Dec 312012
 

2013

I was laying in bed last night thinking how crazy it is that it’s going to be Two Thousand Thirteen! It occurred to me how far we’ve come and yet how far we have to go. In terms of innovation, technology, healthcare, and transportation (among others) we’ve really had so many advances. Yet, when it comes to living a life filled with purpose, love, compassion, and kindness it seems much of the world is still struggling. It seems many of us are still looking to fill that hole in our hearts.

What’s beautiful about change and especially personal change is that we don’t have to wait. We can literally start at any given moment. So I thought I’d make us a quick checklist we can use to start off our New Year right. Here’s a quick review of this checklist and why you should make this a priority for you today. What’s beautiful is that even if you’re not reading this on December 31, 2012 you can still use this checklist. In fact, you can use this any day of the year to start you off right. After all, change starts within and it starts NOW (whenever “NOW” is for you!).

Forgive Yourself And Others

Forgiveness is a topic I talk about often and one that I think many people want to do but struggle with. Perhaps it has something to do with the meaning we apply to it. I used to think forgiveness meant you were telling the person(s) who harmed you that it was okay what they did. I’ve now adapted a new meaning which I apply to forgiveness and it serves me much better. For me, forgiveness allows me to go on with my life with more love (for myself and others) and less hate, anger, sadness, resentment, and fear. Forgiveness doesn’t mean I’m approving in anyway of what another did. It’s a release for me. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself and it actually is something that never needs to be spoken to the other person. Ultimately I describe it this way.

Forgiveness releases me from the suffering caused by others and allows me to be the fullest expression of my Authentic Nature.

We must also forgive ourselves. We all make mistakes, “Hey we’re fallible!”, and perhaps there was something you’ve done in 2012 that you might regret. Forgive yourself and go into 2013 without that holding you back!

Release The Guilt

Guilt goes hand in hand with forgiveness. If we haven’t forgiven ourselves for the hurt we may have caused others (or even ourselves) we carry guilt. Guilt is a product of our Ego and literally serves no purpose in supporting our Authentic Nature. Guilt is a form of self-imposed punishment that allows us to beat ourselves up. In the process we’re actually shaming ourselves and the end result is we get very small.

Don’t let guilt keep you small anymore in 2013. Accept that it’s your Inherent Nature to be fallible and that you get to make mistakes (no matter how bad). The best way to honor the ones you’ve hurt is to BE the fullest expression of your Authentic Nature (Your true self). Guilt will not let you do that and will keep you locked up in that small prison of Ego. Forgive yourself, let guilt know it’s not serving you anymore, and release.

Accept Yourself Today!

New Year’s Resolutions are a fine thing to have (mostly) but you don’t need to wait to accept yourself. How many times have we said the following?

If I were only 10 lbs. lighter…

If I only had that job…

If only my teeth were straighter or whiter…

If only I was doing…

Again, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, get a new job, or even straighten your teeth. The point is you don’t need to wait for these things to happen (the resolutions) before you accept yourself. The day you were born it didn’t matter what you weighed, what tasks you were capable of doing, and you didn’t even have any teeth! With all these things considered you were still born Beautiful, Attractive, Enough, Lovable, Precious, Valuable, Worthy, and Intelligent. You didn’t need anything to validate these qualities. These are your Inherent Qualities and yours to own. Stop lying to yourself today and enter the New Year accepting your Inherent Qualities.

I want to appreciate you for reading this blog. This site is relatively new and I greatly appreciate the support you’ve shown me. When I hear from you that what I’ve written resonates it reminds me that I’m on the right path.

I have some big ideas for 2013 including adding more tools that will support you in transforming your own life. I created and made available the “Daily Truth Tab” Worksheet that makes it easy for you to remind yourself every day what’s true about you!

Download it here for FREE!

I’m also considering adding some personal coaching sessions so that I can support you on an individual basis. We all have healing that needs to take place and deep down we all want to feel “whole”. I can support you through that healing process as well as give you specific tools that will allow you to align with your Inherent Qualities.

“We see the world not as they are but as we are.”

Finally, I hope you’ll take this opportunity to subscribe to the site. You can do so on the upper right corner of the home page and takes just one minute. You’ll be signed up for my automatic posts that get sent right to your inbox. In addition, you’ll receive all the new tools I discussed earlier for free as well as any other content sent directly to your email.

I’m wishing you all a safe, happy, and healthy New Year!

With Love, Gratitude, and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

Dec 282012
 

2013 year celebration with fireworks

The start of 2013 is just 4 days away at the time of this writing. The big question on Facebook and really everywhere else today is:

“What are your New Years Resolutions?”

January 1 of every year seems to be a great time to start “doing” all those things we didn’t get to do the year before. It’s almost like as the clock strikes midnight we get an automatic reset on life and get to do it all over again. January 1 has some great power over change for us. I can’t tell you how many times I (and millions have others) vowed to lose weight and sign up for a gym membership on January 1. I think the statistics (and my own past experience) reveal that by March the vast majority of those gym memberships are unused.

So why is it that every year we make resolutions and every year we don’t stick to them? Why is it that every year we want to “do” more and “do” different but with little success? The reason isn’t too far from the very question of what our resolutions are.

There isn’t anything inherently wrong with desiring positive change in our lives. Nothing wrong with planning or even creating vision boards (check out the link for a great video on how to create a vision board by Suzannah Scully.). Planning, goal setting, and placing attention on intention, are wonderful things.

So why can’t we do all these things and not have it revolve around some arbitrary date? It may sound silly that I seem to be suggesting revolving change around a date is a big deal. However, it’s a little more than that.

True change has to start and initiate from within and cannot be dependent upon an external factor.

When we make New Years Resolutions we’re waiting for January 1st before we do anything. You may decide on December 10th that your resolution is to lose 10lbs but you don’t likely start eating healthy and exercising until on or after January 1st. We’re dependent upon an external factor (the date) to change before we do. This takes the power of change out of our hands. Yes, we know for a fact that the date will change so we don’t have to worry about that not happening. The issue is that the change is not rooted in its intrinsic nature. It’s rooted in something instrumental, something outside of us in the form of a date change. Once January 1st comes and goes the date then becomes replaced with something else for us to change. Perhaps we then decide we’re going to wait to have more money, for the weather to be warmer, or for some other “outside” reason.

It’s easy to see how easily it is for our good intentions to get put by the way-side when we’re constantly attaching to external outcomes to initiate our own internal change. So how do we change this? How do we make New Years Resolutions and keep them?

The title of this post is, “Why You Should Resolve To Have No Resolutions For 2013”. The focus of the point should be on the words, “…For 2013”. In other words, sit down and think of all the positive changes you want to manifest in your life in 2013. It could be goal of becoming physically fit, learning to play a new instrument, learning a new language, reconnecting lost relationships, or even getting a new job. So here’s the key.

DON’T WAIT!

I realize there is only 4 days left in 2012 but who cares. Start today!

Want to lose weight? Eat healthy and go for a walk TODAY!

Want to reconnect with an old friend? Send them an email TODAY!

Want to find a new job? Spruce up your resume TODAY!

Want to learn a new language? Learn and practice saying 3 words TODAY!

Waiting is a false illusion. It’s predicated on something else outside of you changing BEFORE you can change. This is a lie.

You are Powerful, Strong, Courageous, Loving, Brilliant, and Creative!

Tap into YOUR TRUTH Today and BE the change. Today (not Jan 1) is the day to start accepting and actualizing the fullness of your potential and of your being.

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit

 

 

Dec 272012
 

Screenshot 12:26:12 9:47 PM

For those of you that have followed this still relatively new Blog you know that my intention is to support others in discovering their Authentic Nature. Of course there are many ways in which someone can tackle that intention. I have done that through the writing on this blog along with my Facebook and Twitter pages.

While reading an inspiring quote or even a full post can be very helpful for some, it often takes some additional work to really make a difference. I know that I didn’t resolve decades of pain and begin to live my life in alignment with my Inherent Nature without doing “the work”. I also could never expect anyone else to begin to see the world through their glasses of inherent nature without doing “the work” either.

This is why I’m going to start offering more resources and tools for you as you continue on your own journey.

Today I’m releasing my first and free downloadable tool!

This PDF file is yours to use and to share as often as you like. I’ve found affirmations to be so important. When I first heard about affirmations I couldn’t help think of Jack Handey on Saturday Night Live. It felt so silly doing affirmations and in fact I had a lot of trouble even getting some of the words out of my mouth.

My hope is that this tool will make it a little easier for you to use on a daily basis. It’s as simple as printing the file and tearing off one daily affirmation per day. Ideally, you’d pick a different one each day and cycle through them. However, another great idea is to keep the same one in your pocket every day for an entire week. Whichever method works best for you I recommend you recite this to yourself in the mirror. It can even be the rearview mirror of your car. The reason I suggest saying it in the mirror is so you can look in your eyes. You want to actually see yourself as you affirm what is inherently true about yourself.

Pay attention throughout your day and notice when you have thoughts of not being good enough, being ugly, stupid, unwanted and/or other self-depricating thoughts. When these thoughts come up notice that you have your “Daily Truth Tab” in your pocket to remind you of what is TRUE.

Finally, I really encourage you to sign up (on the right side) to receive FREE posts sent directly to your inbox. It makes it much easier receiving posts like this as they’ll automatically be sent to you every day. Beginning in 2013 I’m also going to be offering more tools like this in addition to some other Subscriber Exclusive content that you won’t want to miss. All I ask for is your name and email address and you’re free to unsubscribe at any time.

Download your FREE “Daily Truth Tab” PDF right now!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

Dec 262012
 

Holiday_Magic

This morning the kids and I took my wife to work. In the car ride after dropping her off my daughter and I had a conversation that went like this (she’s 4):

O: When is it going to be Christmas again?

Me: Well Honey, not for another year.

O: Awww, I want it to be Christmas again so I can be happy.

Me: Honey, you don’t need Christmas or any other day to be happy. You can choose to be happy anytime!

I then proceeded to tell her that an easy way to BE Happy is to smile. I turned around and smiled and said, “See? I’m happy now!”. I did this a couple of times and she started laughing and had the biggest smile on her face.

Of course, this was an elementary exercise but this was in response to my 4-year old daughter (my 3-year old son was also in the car). The point I was making is that the “holiday magic” we feel can happen anytime and not just during the holiday.

So what exactly is “Holiday Magic” and where does it come from, if not the holiday?

Sure, the holiday does help bring this out in a big way. Many of us are off of work, on vacation, giving and receiving gifts, eating good food, and spending time with family and friends. However, if you’ll notice the things I mentioned are things that we DO not things that we ARE. So what’s behind the “beingness” in the “doings” of the holidays? Let’s dissect this a little further.

Vacation and Time Off of Work:

The Inherent Qualities that are brought out when we’re on vacation include: Flexibility, Enthusiasm, Joyful, Peaceful, Playful, and Wondrous. These are states of being and are qualities we can express any time we wish. They’re also qualities of ours that no matter how often we deny or forget we always have available to us.

Giving and Receiving Gifts:

The Inherent Qualities that are brought out when we give and receive gifts include: Compassion, Connectedness, Expressive, Good, Thoughtful, and Caring. Again, these qualities aren’t dependent on the holiday. When we express these qualities they help create that magic feeling we have!

Eating Good Food:

The Inherent Qualities that are brought about when we prepare, share, and eat good food with family include: Nurturing, Healing, Valuable, Creative, Curious, and Alive. These are all states of being and when we’re in alignment with these states every meal can be as festive as a holiday dinner!

Spending Time with Family/Friends:

The Inherent Qualities that are brought about when we spend family time together include: Connectedness, Vulnerability, Emotion, Communicative, Caring, Tender, Affectionate, Warm, and Loving. It’s not hard to see how these qualities when expressed in full bring out such an inviting environment.

We identify so much with our feelings and after all why shouldn’t we? During the holidays there are so many “good” feelings floating around and it’s easy to attribute those feelings to the things “outside” of ourselves. That is, we think the feelings we have are a result of “doings” of the holiday (gifts, vacation, parties, etc.). When we look beyond the “doings” of the holidays and into WHO WE ARE we see that it’s the state of being NOT the state of doing which creates the magic around us.

Knowing this we can celebrate the fact that the Holiday Magic can stay with us well into the New Year. We may not have the vacations, the parties, the tasty food or the gifts but we’ll always have ourselves. Every day we have the choice to BE who we are. Like I told my daughter this morning, it starts with a smile and a simple reminder that we are everything we’ve always wanted.

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

Dec 242012
 

12_24_12_Meditating_Santa

Merry Christmas Eve Everyone!

What a fun, exciting, happy, joyous, and Stressful time of year it is! I sure hope the majority of your feelings are on the side of happiness but if they’re not I have a quick tip for you! Whether you’re standing in that long line waiting to pick up the last gift, in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner, doing your best to talk to a relative you don’t care for or any other time you’re feeling that stress this can work for you!

You don’t need experience with meditation, this is something you can do anytime and anywhere, and best of all it’s FREE! 😉

The next time you’re in a stressful situation try the following exercise on for size and watch that stress melt away.

1. Close your eyes and whether sitting or standing keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.

2. Take in 3 slow deep breaths and notice the weight drop from your head down to your feet. You should feel your shoulder and hips relax.

3. Visualize standing in a warm flowing stream of water (about up to your mid-thigh) where it’s a nice sunny day outside.

4. Notice those leaves coming towards you from the left? Each of those leaves represents a feeling such as frustration, sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.

5. Shift your focus to your feet and notice how firmly planted you are.

6. As the “feeling leaves” approach you observe that they exist but acknowledge that they are outside of you floating on by. Watch them as they float past in front of you and off to the right downstream.

7. Breathe in the warm fragrant air feeling the flow of water surround you comfortably. Know you are grounded and centered accepting those feelings are present but not a part of the grounded and centered adult that you are.

This exercise can take as little as 3 minutes or you could extend it out to 10 minutes depending on how you’re feeling and where you are in that moment. This is something you want to do in a quiet place (even in your car) if possible. Your breathing should be relaxed and normal (ie; you don’t need to force long or slow breathe).

I hope this works for you should you find yourself in a stressful situation over the coming week(s). Please let me know your thoughts and I’m wishing you all a stress free and Happy Holiday!!

Much Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

 

Photo Credit

 

Dec 212012
 

12_21_12_Sandy_Hook

Last Friday I wrote a post on how we can all honor the victims (adults and children) who were brutally killed in last weeks Sandy Hooks shooting.

It’s been one week since that shooting occurred and I can’t help but to think there are so many ways in which we can honor those lives lost.

Last night I attended a meeting with 4 other men where we broke all “Man Card” rules and did the impossible. We had an intimate (spiritual and emotional) exchange of Attention, Affection, Acceptance, Allowance, and Appreciation. These are the 5 A’s which Author, David Richo says are how we show love.

Men especially are raised to avoid the very things they are built for. Men are raised to not show/experess emotion, sensitivity, vulnerability, and tenderness. At least as bad, if not worse, men are also taught that having any support is a sign of weakness. Both Clint Eastwood and John Wayne are great examples of the lone man riding off into the sunset. Men are taught to go at it alone and that opening up and “sharing” with other men is not okay.

Where do men who cannot express their feelings and who cannot lean on others for support turn? 

Both men and women share the same response when they have no options for releasing their pain and resolving their hurts. They turn to isolation in the form of substance abuse, sex, passive aggressive behavior, solitude, suicide, and even murder. The pain has to come out somehow! If we’re not given the tools to resolve (not cope) from the pain than it must be expressed in some way.

Men and boys alike, in particular, have been taught that their sexuality and their “manhood” is compromised when they express Authentic Inherent Qualities they were born with. The qualities I mentioned earlier (vulnerability, emotional, sensitivity, tenderness) are all inherent qualities we are all born with. These qualities are immediately suppressed in early childhood by well-meaning parents and so the journey begins.

My mentor, Fred Jealous, who founded the Breakthrough Center in Carmel, CA asked me once:

Fred: What is preventing you from living the life of your dreams?

Josh: I really don’t know.

Fred: Imagine when you were 18 years old if you had 5 other men who were there to support and encourage you. Imagine if those men saw your Authentic Nature and you all showed each other the 5 A’s (giving and receiving love; Richo). Now imagine 10 years later what life would be like for you, and now imagine yourself today.

Not men, not women, not children, HUMAN BEINGS needs connection and we need support. Why do we have to buy in to this mentality that we’re “strong enough” to go at it alone. It doesn’t take a strong person to fall victim to your Ego and deny/abandon your Authentic-Self.

In the wake of last week’s senseless shooting I can’t help but imagine what would have happened if Adam Lanza had the support I refer to above. I don’t know Adam nor do I know very much about his life. What I can safely surmise is that he was a desperate man. Desperation in the form of suicide and murder often, if not always, stem from isolation. If Adam had no outlet for his pain in terms of personal emotional/spiritual outlet or physical outlet in the way of a healthy support network his only option would have been isolation. When the isolation (ie; drugs, solitude, sex, etc.) which is only a coping mechanism aren’t enough to hold back the pain we become desperate for release. That release occurred last Friday morning and the lives of those precious children and heroic school staff paid the ultimate price.

I realize the focus of this post was around men. However, many women fall into the same category of not being allowed to express their authentic nature. Both men and women turn to isolation, both men and women turn to drugs, sex, and other coping behaviors to avoid resolving our pain. Finally both men and women become desperate enough to release the pain that they turn to suicide and murder.

I encourage you to consider what I’ve presented here and think about how this is already a factor in your life and/or which ways you can start incorporating some of these ideas. If you’re a parent I highly urge you to consider how you can help instill some of these values (ie; support, expressing inherent qualities) in your own children. You may already be doing this and that is wonderful. However, consider that many other guides and people that impress children in their youth don’t share this same message.

Together we can change the world. We owe it to all those who have fallen victim to the desperation of people like Adam Lanza. This change is an “inside-out” approach but like any solution to life’ problems it’s never resolved at the level of the problem. We must always go back to the source. In this case the source is the very heart and soul of each and every child, woman, and man.

With deep gratitude and appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

 

Photo Credit

 

Dec 202012
 

12_20_12_Holiday_Stress

 

For my Jewish friends, Hanukkah is over and this might be a little too late. However, for the rest of you I highly encourage you to read this short post. Today I want to provide you with 3 tools that I think will benefit us all and especially over the Christmas holiday.

The holidays are a beautiful time of year physically, spiritually, but not always emotionally! Depending on where in the country you live you may have snow on the ground, the changing colors of the leaves falling, or perhaps even just a warm sunny day. There is no  arguing that this time of the year can be so beautiful and to take in the natural world around us is healing in its own right.

Spiritually, many of us are reconnecting with our religious roots and contemplating our role in this Universe. The start of the New Year is around the corner and we’re thinking of all the things that happened this year and the possibilities to come into next year. Going to Synagogue or Church can be a great feeling for those that are religious and it’s always fun doing activities with the kids.

The holidays can be an emotional roller-coaster though! We’re happy we’re off of work but stressed about buying gifts. We’re happy about seeing family but maybe not ALL of our family. We’re excited for all that delicious food but not so much about the lasting impression it will leave on our bellies. The point is, there’s such a range of feelings that overcome us and quite honestly this is likely the most stressful (ironically enough) time of the year.

So what can we do to help us ease some of this stress? Here are 3 tools that I PROMISE will help and the great thing is you can use them well after the holidays are gone.

1. THE JUDGEMENT ZAPPER!!

How many times have you judged yourself today? Go ahead, I’ll wait while you count…done? Need more time? The sad truth is we judge ourselves ALL THE TIME! We judge ourselves when we forget to make that 600th side dish we promised Aunt Martha. We judge ourselves when we question if we bought ENOUGH gifts. We judge ourselves when we question if we sent out ENOUGH cards. We judge ourselves when we feel guilt for taking more time off of work.

But wait! There’s more!!

When we’re not judging ourselves we’re busy judging everyone else too! “How can they afford to buy that, they were just complaining about being broke?”. “What is she wearing?”. “Uncle Jerry is such a jerk, he only talks about himself!”.

Marianne Williamson said in a recent book I read, “When we judge another brother we’re wrong even when we’re right.” The same is true when we judge ourselves of course. Judging others gets us nowhere and ALWAYS says more about us than it does the person we’re judging. The next time you feel the urge to judge yourself or someone else do the following:

1. Notice the feeling you’re having (ie; fear, anger, sadness, etc.)

2. Notice where in your body your’e feeling it (head, chest, stomach, etc.)

3. Give your body some space to hold that feeling

4. Take 3 deep breaths in from your nose (while keeping your mouth closed) and exhale back out your nose. Notice the feeling start to dissipate

5. Remind yourself that ALLOWING that person (or yourself) to act as they are free of judgment is very loving of you.

Consider it a GIFT that you’re giving yourself and others when you CHOOSE to not judge them. Let’s make this a JUDGE-FREE Holiday!

2. THE PAUSE PROTECTOR

I can’t stress enough how valuable this tool is! How many times have you been around that family member you’re sooooo excited to see <big sarcasm here> only to feel the urge to pounce on them the moment they’re finished their sentence. We all have people in our lives we would rather not be around. Unfortunately, it seems like the holidays seem to bring them out of the wood work! Perhaps you’re in “holiday conversation” with someone that you love and actually enjoy being around though. Sometimes, people say things that we just don’t agree with. Nobody ever talks about politics, economics, and social values over Christmas dinner, right?? Hmmm….

The best thing you can do is PAUSE!!!

1. SHUT UP! (sorry, but you can’t pause without first closing your mouth!)

2. Place your attention on your feet. <- Trust me on this one folks

2. Feel your feet planted firmly on the ground and that you’re in your body, safe, grounded, and centered.

3.  After 3 – 5 seconds has passed, respond with your IQ glasses on, ensuring you’re not ignoring your feelings only not letting them take over you.

3. THE FORGIVENESS BLANKET

This tool isn’t so much for forgiving others (while incredibly important) as it is for forgiving yourself! We’re late to get to the party or church. We forgot to bring one of the gifts. We did a horrible wrapping job. The ham was over/undercooked. I’m sure you have your favorites and perhaps (looking back) some of them are even funny.

The point is we’re all fallible. Yes, that’s an inherent quality of ours so you know what that means? We get to celebrate it!!! That’s right, “Yeah, I screwed up!!!”. You made a mistake and that’s okay. Allow yourself to stay present in the moment by forgiving yourself from whatever it is you did. Here’s how the tool works.

1. Immediately after the mistake was made use the Pause Protector (sorry for the silly names, I’m doing my best folks) to get grounded again.

2. In your mind or even out loud scream, “YES, I SCREWED UP!!!!!!!!!!” How fun is that one??

3. In your mind, wrap yourself in that warm and soft “Forgiveness Blanket” knowing you’re safe, loved, and accepted.

4. Rectify the damage to the best of your ability and ALLOW yourself to BE YOU by accepting who you are, fallible.

*Note: I just want to be clear that affirming we’re fallible is not the same as saying, we’re a “screw up”. It’s completely different. Being fallible means we’re perfectly imperfect. It means we get to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Calling ourselves a “screw up” is self-abuse, shaming, and simply not true.

Okay, so here are 3 tools you can use any day but are especially useful around the holidays. Let me know if you have any tools of your own that you use and how these work out for you.

Happy Holidays!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

Photo Credit

 

Dec 182012
 

9_10_12_Jake

My Dearest Jakey –

You’re too young to read this letter today but some day you will be old enough. My hope is that you will have an inside look into what my intentions were as your Dad. I want you to know what I value in walking through this life with you. My hope is that you will grow to value the lessons I share with you and even if you don’t that’s okay too. In the end, I accept you as you are with the most authentic unconditional love and it’s with this that I share the following with you…

I want you to know that you are precious. There has never been nor will there ever be another Jake Henry Becker just like you. This makes you unique and allows you to fully express the Jake Henry I know you are!

There is nothing you can ever do to prove to me how good enough you are so don’t even try. I saw you birthed from your Mom and on that day you came out perfect as you were. The moment you were born, before you even took that first breath you were good enough. That to me is proof there’s no human way for you to justify what you were given at birth. You were, are, and always will be good enough!

Yes, at 3-years old it’s so clear to me how valuable and worthy you are! Not for the things you can and will be able to do but for who you are.

You, my son, are so loveable! Looking deep into those BIG hazel eyes locks in the heart of those around you. You need not “try” to be lovable, you just are. Those that are fortunate enough to meet you won’t need convincing. Their hearts will forever be open to that authentic expression in  you.

You are fallible and in that fallibility lies the perfection. You can make mistakes and continue on knowing that’s okay. You were designed to make mistakes but you never were nor could you ever become one. Mistakes are things you make not things that make you. You will make mistakes and yes, Dad will celebrate that too!

You were born all boy! That inherent “boyness” in you is just that, in YOU! Therefore, no color, no doll/toy, no choice in sexual preference, not even how you carry yourself can determine that boyness in you. You are all boy because of that you have an inherent right to express yourself AS YOU ARE and not how others think you should.

When you were born you were sensitive, vulnerable, you cried, screamed, and got angry. Being vulnerable and sensitive are qualities (yes, QUALITIES) that you were born with. Experiencing emotions like sadness and fear can often show up through our bodies in the form of crying. You know what? That’s okay! As a fully actualized authentic male you have THE RIGHT to express your emotions in a safe and healing way. Doing so doesn’t make you less of a “boy/man” it makes you more of a YOU! If anyone tells you different they are doing so out of fear and their intentions are nothing short of robbing you of your birthrite.

On the note of vulnerability. You’ll meet other boys and men in your life that will be fearful of expressing their inherent quality of vulnerability. Remember, vulnerability is not a weakness nor does it have anything to do with being weak. It takes great courage to ALLOW yourself to become vulnerable. This is a choice and a choice that only you can make. If you allow yourself the opportunity to express your inherent quality of vulnerability the world will present itself in ways you otherwise would never know. If you ever feel scared of becoming vulnerable know that I will be holding your hand as you enter the window to your soul; that which I call, vulnerability.

You were born to heal. You’ve fallen countless numbers of times and every single time your body heals itself. Your mind has the same capacity. The opposite of your healing nature is “coping”. Coping shows up in forms of isolation like living with the mentality that you can walk through life alone, like turning to drugs and alcohol, like turning to sex. These things “feel” good on the surface but are your Ego’s way of disguising the unhealed hurt in your heart. To be the BIGGEST and FULLEST expression of yourself you need to refrain from the temptation of coping through life and turn inward to your sacred vulnerability where infinite possibilties exist.

I don’t care if you get good grades, become a Doctor, marry a rich model, make a lot of money, do well in sports or lift a lot of weights. Your ENOUGHNESS is never based on performance. As I’ve said before, you can’t EVER be anymore you no matter how hard you try. So give up on all those things if the purpose is to prove or validate you are who you are.

You will get everything your heart (not your Ego) desires by giving of yourself to others. You are an intelligent, creative, inquisitive, thoughtful, and magnificent boy and you have so much to give. In your well-intentioned authentic service to others is where you will find life’s greatest treasures. Don’t be fooled by others’ short-sightedness in thinking that taking is the way to receiving. You only get what you give, nothing less and nothing more.

Your mother and I tried for 4 long years to have you and your sister. Before your sister was even born we were told there was a 90% chance we would never have any children of our own. You two are the definition of a miracle. It is my greatest honor, blessing, and gift to share these things and many more with you. My only job as your father is to ensure that you’re given the tools necessary to live in authentic alignment with your true self. There may be times in your life when you question some of this and/or your inherent nature and qualities. That’s okay if you do. I want you to know that whether I am here physically or not I will ALWAYS be in your heart reminding you of all that is good and true about you.

With unconditional and infinite love,

Dad_Sig

Dec 172012
 

Mondays_12_17_12

Do you wake up on Monday mornings excited to start your day and the week ahead or are you bummed that there’s still 4 more days until Friday? It doesn’t take very long to run into someone who’s just dragging their feet at the thought of a Monday morning.

Make this Monday a new Monday for you and find out why you don’t have to wait for Friday anymore!

Last Friday was a very hard day for the nation and the world. So many of us entered the weekend already carrying the holiday stress of the season and now with the added weight of additional suffering. I wrote a different twist and hopefully a new perspective on how YOU can honor the lives lost in that tragedy here!

Even with the events of this past Friday so fresh in our minds I believe today can and should be your T.G.I.F. T.G.I.M.

Today, this Monday, December 17th we have so much to be joyful, excited, and happy about!

1. YOU ARE ALIVE! Hello!!?? I’m not even kidding…if you’re reading this post, it’s very likely that you’re alive. We’re only on this planet for a short period of time and no matter how or when we pass on, we will. Why would you want to spend even one day of your short life dragging your feet and feeling depressed? Yes, of course we’re going to have those days and we all deserve to have those days but not just because it happens to be Monday!

2. BE THANKFUL! We’ve covered the fact that you’re alive and that alone is worth being thankful for. Truth be told many of us have a lot to be grateful for and it’s easy to take the things most of us have for granted. Many of us have flat-screen TV’s (most have more than one), smartphones, tablets, cars, houses, jewelry, and the list goes on. Beyond the material possessions that many others don’t have you have some pretty amazing inherent qualities. We’re all born with them so whether you believe it or not you are Beautiful (ok fellas, we can be handsome), Intelligent, Compassionate, Visionary, Worthy, Valuable, Precious, Important, Flexible, and Thoughtful. There are too many qualities to list here but seriously, how can you not be thankful to know that you can tap into any of these qualities at any time. Today is a great day to be thankful for the amazing qualities that make you, YOU!

3. YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE in someone’s life today! Compassion is an inherent quality of yours. Know what that means? You get to share that compassion with others! You never know what kind of day someone is having today but small simple gestures can make a huge difference. Whether you open a door for an unsuspecting stranger, pick up some trash in a public parking lot, buy a homeless person a coffee, pay the toll for the person behind you, or even simply smile at a passing stranger. These are all beautiful ways in which you can literally make a difference in someone’s life. Think of how even more amazing this planet would be if we all added a little more compassion to our day?

4. HAVE A MINI-WEEKEND TODAY! What do you cherish about your weekends? Perhaps you get some alone time? Perhaps you get some time to relax? Maybe you enjoy spending time with family and/or friends? You can still have that peacefulness, calm, and connection even in the middle of a hectic Monday. How?  You can feel all those same feelings through meditation. However, it doesn’t have to be as intimidating as you think. In fact, meditating for just 10 minutes can make a huge difference in your day and your life. Meditating gives you some time for yourself, connects you to your authentic-self, your source, and is very calming. There’s a great iPhone and Android app I found that I really like and guides you through a very easy 10-minute daily meditation. I promise that if you download and use this free app you’ll be looking forward to your “10-Minute Weekend” anytime throughout your Monday.

5. TODAY IS YOUR NEW YEAR’S DAY! Okay, so we still have another two weeks until the real New Year’s Day but all those resolutions don’t have to wait until then. Every year millions of us make New Years Resolutions like weight-loss, getting a new job, volunteering more, reconnecting with lost friends and family, or learning a new skill or trade. Guess what? You don’t have to wait until New Year’s Day to do this. You can start today! I decided I wanted to lose weight. I could have waited until 1/1/2013 like every other year before I started. I started losing weight a couple of months back and am down 13 lbs! By the time New Year’s rolls around I’ll be well on my way to reaching my ultimate goal and I’ll already be reaping the benefits of having started now! The point is, don’t wait to start living your life. Today, only put food in your mouth that is natural and nourishingly healthy for your body, go for a walk, dust off your resume, reach out to an old friend but whatever you do, do it today!

Happiness and Joy don’t happen to you, they emanate from you and they certainly don’t rely on a day of the week to show up! If there’s one message that came away from the events of this past week it is that LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

The gift we’ve all been given today is the chance to authentically express ourselves. It’s that expression that makes this world such a beautiful place to live in and be a part of. Imagine if every Monday each person woke up recognizing those inherent qualities and expressing them such that they touched another person. It is Monday and that’s reason enough to make a difference in someone else’s life and in YOUR LIFE!

Happy Monday!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

 

Josh_Sig

 

 

 

Photo Credit

 

 

Dec 142012
 

Children at play at Spensley Street Primary School.

I can’t imagine that anyone reading this post today hasn’t already heard of the horrific news out of Sandy Hook Elementary School. If you’ve not heard about the news please go Google it now and then come back.

As a father of a 3-year old boy and a 4-year old girl it nearly brings me to tears just writing this. When I first heard the news today I told myself I wouldn’t spend all day on media sites and reading every article and update. After all, (as of this writing) 20 PRECIOUS, SWEET, LOVING, LOVABLE, WORTHY, VALUABLE, GENTLE, SILLY, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL, HOPEFUL, TENDER, and MAGNIFICENT children were tragically murdered while in the safety of their elementary school. 7 more adults with the same qualities were killed as well…

My mind wants to relive the last dreadful moments those children and adults must have faced. In my mind I find myself in the school as if I was experiencing first hand all the drama. Then my mind shifts to my own children. I think about them and the thoughts that accompany what it might be like if we were involved more intimately with the days events. Then my mind shifts to thinking about myself and my reactions had this horrifying event happened directly to me.

Several times throughout today I had “other” thoughts. I had thoughts of laughter, joy, and of things that compared to this seem utterly ridiculous and almost nonsensical. Then my mind wants me to feel guilty for having any thoughts other than pain, suffering, sadness, anger, and fear.

WHY AM I TORTURING MYSELF?? WHY AM I SUFFERING RIGHT ALONG WITH THOSE FAMILIES?

Yes, I feel deep pain, sadness, and all those other feelings I mentioned. Yes, I too am a victim of abuse by this young man. Emotional abuse is upon all of us as we are left emotionally suffering for the loss of our 20 babies many of us never have, nor will ever meet. So, I find myself asking a question…

How is my suffering and consequent guilt for thinking of anything else helping me or anyone else?

The answer is, it’s not.

It’s easy to allow ourselves to get into this deep, deep funk. It’s easy to allow ourselves to start blaming others. Blaming this boy, Ryan Adam. Blaming his parents (one of which was killed by him). Blaming the school. Blaming gun laws. Blame. Blame. Blame.

Instead I offer to you the following resolution which I believe will HONOR these sweet babies and our adult counterparts as well as set about a change in our world. Feel free to add, subtract, or revise this list as you see fit for yourself.

1. Allow yourself to heal: You’ve been HURT by this news even if you didn’t know them (just like me) and you’re allowed to feel the pain, to cry, to yell, to release.

2. Take a moment of silence: Send peaceful, loving, nurturing, compassionate, gentle, and loving thoughts to the 20 children, 7 adults, and all of their families.

3. Meditate quietly even if for only 10 minutes: YOU NEED A BREAK! Allow your mind some quiet for 10 minutes! You’ll be connected to source, you’ll give yourself the peace you need from all that noise your mind was making, and you’ll be able to recover a bit.

4. BE GENTLE: If you’ve experienced anything like I have just wrote about you’re probably a bit raw. A lot of little things can set you off like being cutoff while driving or even something stupid like your partner left the toothpaste cap off! Seriously, BE GENTLE, allow things (especially those things that really don’t matter) to just fall away.

5. If you have children HUG THEM and KISS THEM (as long as they are okay with that). While you are hugging them, close your eyes and send all that love through your little baby (even if they are an older “baby”) to the 20 children killed today.

6. Notice The Beauty: Those 20 children that died today only saw beauty. They saw beauty in everything around them. Honor them by noticing that same beauty. SLOW DOWN. Notice the things around you that you normally whisk by on your way off to another errand.

7. Plant a tree or flower in honor of those children: Give new life and add more beauty to the world by planting something. This could be a great honor and even something you can do with your children.

8. Go Paint!: Well, you could do anything creative really. The point is, those children were PURE CREATIVITY. They found magic and wonder in everything they touched. Everything, including all of their toys, were pure opportunity for wonderment and play. Honor them by tapping into your own creativity. Perhaps you have a talent for painting or drawing or playing music. GIVE THAT to someone, perhaps a child. Play music for children in a park, draw something special for your child or draw with them! Either way, tapping into your own creativity will honor that same creativity lost today.

9. Look for signs of help: I don’t know this boy, Ryan’s Adam’s background or his story. What I do know is that he was in major distress and desperate for a way out! It’s easy to see young children and adults as misfits, weirdos, troublemakers, and the like. Now I don’t know that this could be used to describe Ryan Adam. However, I can only imagine that he may have fallen into some of these labels. Deep pain and suffering like this comes out and often in much less obvious ways than what happened today. If you notice your child and/or any child exhibiting behaviors that are “different” it can be easy to ignore them, even if it’s out of our own fear or uncertainty. Even giving a person like this a friendly smile while passing can make a difference. Often times these children and young adults feel “alone” and misunderstood. Attention is one aspect of giving love and it’s completely free. Smile at everyone you walk past.

10. Love yourself and teach your children to love themselves: We simply don’t have the capacity to murder others when we truly love ourselves. We see the world as a reflection of how we see ourselves. If the world sucks that must mean that we suck (in our mind). If we truly love ourselves there’s nothing we can possibly do different than love others. Your children have a lot to love about themselves and they need constant reminding. We’re bombarded by commercials, tv, people, work, society about what’s wrong with us (not good enough, not worthy, ugly, not smart) so we need to counter this BIG TIME. Remind yourself and your children that they are JUST LIKE the souls we lost today: PRECIOUS, SWEET, LOVING, LOVABLE, WORTHY, VALUABLE, GENTLE, SILLY, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL, HOPEFUL, TENDER, and MAGNIFICENT.

With Love and Appreciation,

Josh

 

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