Dec 302013

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The This Podcast is dedicated to my beloved mother, Pamela Becker, who passed away on December 17th 2013. I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks and that’s because I was on the East Coast caring for my mother. I was actually there for the better part of the last 2 months but the last 2 weeks got the best of me and of course she passed in that timeframe as well. I had hoped to have a back up podcast for you in that event but you know how life goes.

Thank you for your continued support and for allowing me to continue sharing my message!

This week I want to also thank a few new “friends” on Facebook!

Amy Highstein-Berman, Tara Reddy, Nyela Oluchi Hope, Boris Doris, Keisha Davis, Stewart Joseph, Raphael Fernandez Alvarez

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show.

Where Am I?

Last week I had the great honor of being a guest on the Zen Parenting Radio Show. We did our best to answer the question, “Are we shortchanging our men?” as well as get silly. We recorded the episode pretty late and all of us were a bit giddy! With all the fun we had I think we had some good content too! I encourage you to check out my episode and future episodes of the Zen Parenting Radio Show!

Coming Up!

In episode 14 I had the great honor of chatting it up with Andrea Owen! Well this coming week I’m going to be sitting down with her again! Only this time I’m going to be on her awesome podcast! Stay tuned for details of when that’s going to be released! In the meantime, I encourage you to check out her newly released book, “52 Ways to Live A Kick Ass Life!” You can download it right from Amazon!

7 Lessons I Learned From My Mom Before She Died (Listen to the podcast for much more discussion!)

1. You’re never alone: alone is a feeling not a reality.

2. If you act from intention you’ll have nothing to regret: Be intentional about your actions – always carry forgiveness with you.

3. Fulfillment lives in Creativity: We’re all creative – Find arts, music, performing, baking, etc.

4. Life without Laughter is Boring: Need to laugh to enjoy even the small things in life.

5. Integrity is how we honor ourselves and our higher power: Integrity, honesty, “doing the right thing” even when it’s not convenient.

6. Fulfillment will be found in serving others: giving to others expands our ability to receive all the gifts that are coming our way.

7. Today is the only day that matters: Waking up is the best way to start the day!

ISA Weekly ISA Challenge:

When you’re by yourself notice how connected you really are – When someone asks you to do something, pause and really make sure you can and want to do it, then do it without any regrets – Paint, draw, play some music, bake, or make something with your hands – Laugh – Honor yourself in every moment (or forgive when you don’t) – Do something for someone else this week – Focus on your breath even if just for a few minutes and notice what you can be grateful for today.

Happy New Year!!! I’m hoping to bring you so much more in 2014 and can’t wait to share it all with you! Thank you once again for giving me this space and I’m wishing you and your loved ones a Happy and Healthy New Year!

**If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and any others in the past please let us know by visiting and click on “View in iTunes”. You can then Subscribe to the Podcast and leave us a written review. It will help the show become more available to other like-minded individuals who are seeking to answer the question, “Who am I?”

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Dec 092013

If you're saying YES to someone else-6

This weeks podcast opens up with some shout outs to our new Facebook Friends as well as some Community Appreciations! Listen in to see if you hear your name!

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show.

Are You A People Pleaser?

I spent the vast majority of my life trying to please others. Especially those that were close to me or that I really wanted attention. Half the time I would say, “yes” to someone when I really meant No, just to please them. Of course, it was never a real yes so I wound up never following through. This only left me looking like a flake and someone who couldn’t commit. The other half of the time I would find myself doing things I just didn’t want to do all in the name of pleasing others.

Of course, this is all too common and many of us find ourselves in this position throughout our life. Supporting others in a positive way, being kind, compassionate, and helpful are wonderful qualities. But how many times have you been compassion, kind, and supportive only to walk away feeling abused, discounted, neglected, taken for granted, and used?

I sat down with my friend Andrea Owen who is a Professional Life Coach and Author of the newly released book, “52 Ways To Live A Kick-Ass Life”. Andrea and I spoke about the “People Pleasing Syndrome” – How we get it, Why we do it, and How to stop! Andrea shares her best practices and let’s us in on how she coaches her own clients.

You’re going to love Andrea as much as I do and we’re going to give you some great tips! Listen in to this weeks podcast as we share tips and tricks on how to show up for others and more importantly YOURSELF! We’re also honored to have Andrea share with you this weeks ISA Challenge and you don’t want to miss it!

Andrea’s Weekly ISA Challenge:

Sometime this week you’re going to be asked to do something for someone. For this weeks challenge let’s leave employers out of the equation! We’re talking friends, partners, relatives, strangers, etc. Andrea wants you to pause before responding. If you can’t answer with a “Hell Yes” then it’s a No. Try this on this week and let us know in the comments of the show notes how it worked out! Remember, saying NO to someone else is saying YES to yourself!

Andrea is a wonderful resource and besides her book she has an awesome podcast, coaching services, and much more! You can check her out by visiting her site at!

If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and any others in the past please let us know by visiting and click on “View in iTunes”. You can then Subscribe to the Podcast and leave us a written review. It will help the show become more available to other like-minded individuals who are seeking to answer the question, “Who am I?”


Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!



Dec 022013


What is Self Awareness?

My definition of self awareness is as follows: Observing and Understanding ones own response to internal/external physical and emotional stimuli. Now this isn’t a definition I’ve been sitting with for years. In fact, I haven’t really come up with a finite definition of Self Awareness until creating this podcast. Keep that in mind as this will likely shift for me overtime.

Listen to the full podcast here!

I’ve always said that the first step to change is self awareness. The reason many of us are stuck in the life we live isn’t because we don’t have the time, the money, know the right people, or aren’t good enough. The reason we are stuck or THINK that we are stuck is because we lack self awareness.

This isn’t a knock on anyone. We’re taught from a young age to not trust what our body tells us. Caregivers tell us we’re not smart, not to cry, not to be scared, do what we’re told, and the list goes on and on. And every time we hear that shaming language a little bit of our self awareness gets lost.

Soon we learn to rely on everything external to us to determine if everything inside is well.

The weather, how much money I make, my position in my company, my celebrity status, my Facebook likes and Twitter follows, whether or not our partner is happy, the economic status of our country, Fridays, Vacations, and on and on…

Some of us become so disconnected from who we are that when asked how we feel we’re completely numb. I’ve worked with many people who literally don’t know how they feel. Most everyone else has a sense of what they’re feeling but can’t quite describe it.

How many times have you responded to the question, “How are you feeling” with “fine”, “good” or “ok”? Sure, if you’re talking to a stranger you may not want to get into all the complications of your life. But we respond this way to close family, friends, and even our partners as well. Fine, Good, and OK are not feelings. They are judgements. On the surface you might ask me, “Josh, why are you acting so critical? You know what I mean when I say these things and after all it’s just semantics. I would argue that this isn’t the case at all.

How we feel often times dictates how we respond to life. We have a thought about something, we apply a meaning to that thought (often based on what’s happened in our past) and then we produce a feeling. From there we normally act upon it. If we’re feeling happy we often times laugh or smile and we’re more apt to be friendly. If we feel angry or frustrated we often act in accordance with those feelings too.

So you might wonder or others that are close to you might wonder why you respond to life the way you do. Consider the following scenarios where you might question why you respond the way you do:

1. Stuck at a job you don’t like.
2. Stuck in a relationship you don’t want to be in.
3. Seem to never have enough time in the day.
4. Constantly putting yourself last and others first.
5. Others might call you a perfectionist.
6. You can’t commit.
7. You can’t say No and when you say Yes, you rarely follow through.
8. Someone cuts you off while driving and you flip them off.
9. You become physically or emotionally abusive to others when “THEY” make you mad.
10. You’re constantly looking to “feel good” whether it’s in the form of drinking, drugs, sex, social media, buying things you can’t afford, eating unhealthy in the name of “it tastes good” and on and on…

Look, I find myself in many of these situations from time to time. Self Awareness isn’t a finite and concrete state of being. Once you learn to become self aware it takes daily practice and even then it can be difficult to have anything different than a conditioned response.

We all have areas in our life that need improvement and I believe that each of these areas point back to a lack of self awareness. Once we have the tools to become self aware we will have more opportunities for the change we seek.

I’m going to provide you with 5 Steps to becoming more Self Aware:

1. Pause – in any given situation pause long enough stay centered and grounded in your body. (Breathe)
2. Think – What thoughts are you having in that moment about the situation.
3. Meaning – What do your thoughts mean? That you are not enough? or that you are enough/matter/lovable, etc.
4. Feelings – What feelings are you having as a result of the meaning you applied to your thoughts?
5. Response – Respond based on your feelings ONLY WHEN they align to a meaning that you are good, lovable, etc.

Some guidelines to consider when putting these steps into place are:

  • Lots of Practice
  • Forgive Yourself not “if” but “when” you make a mistake in this process
  • Be Intentional and live on purpose!
  • This is about YOU becoming more self aware of YOURSELF not you trying to read, change, or fix other people in an attempt for them to become self aware. Remember, as Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Weekly ISA Challenge: Self Awareness

1. Practice the 5 steps to self awareness.
2. Journal what you observed about each of the steps in this process.
3. Start noticing patterns.
4. Don’t judge yourself, just notice and become an observer.

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Nov 252013


In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I answer a couple of Listener questions. In addition, I share 7 ways to care for the most important person in your life. As with all of the shows there’s another weekly challenge for you as well.

Subscribe and listen to the podcast by Clicking Here!

As with all the shows we start out with some Appreciations and Shout Outs! This week I give appreciation to Marika Rosenthal Delan and XayandPor Yang. In addition I mention a couple of new I Simply Am fans! They are Lela Texeira who is a Life Coach at Inspired Design Coaching and Gina Caruso Hussar also a Life Coach at 30 Seconds to Peace.

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show.

7 Ways To Care For The Most Important Person In Your Life

So who is the most important person in your life? Is it your partner? Your child? Your parent? Your friend? A grandparent?

Granted, these can all be very important people in our lives. But the most important person in each of our lives is often the one that gets neglected the most. YOU!

The reason you are the most important person in your life is because this is YOUR life. Without you in it, you have no life! Right? But what happens is that we wind up projecting all that love, care, attention, and appreciation on everyone else. This is a great thing but when we abandon ourselves to do this we’re neglecting the most important person.

Have you ever heard of the story of the Goose that laid the Golden Egg?

Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.)  Fables.
The Harvard Classics.  1909–14.

ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing.

This story is told to emphasize the downfall of acting greedy. However, I’m looking at this a little differently. We are all the Countrymen and we are all the Goose. We’re always doing our best to produce those golden eggs; usually in the name of pleasing others. Yet, in order to lay those eggs we need to be healthy and cared for. If our focus is always external there will come a day when we are left with nothing because the creator of those eggs never received the nurturing it needed.

Our capacity to love and care for others is directly related to the amount of love and care we have for ourselves. This isn’t being selfish or self-centered. This is being responsible. You can’t give what you don’t already have. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t care for yourself, if you don’t give yourself the needed attention, acceptance, and appreciation then your ability to give that to others is severely limited.

Here are 7 ways you can begin caring for the most important person in YOUR LIFE:

1. Meditation
2. Practice Gratitude
3. Incorporate a bed time ritual
4. Incorporate a morning ritual
5. Look in the mirror and say 5 things that are right about you
6. Forgive yourself FIRST for making a mistake
7. Go for a walk out in nature

Listener Questions:

Sarah writes in and asks, “Why are affirmations so hard”. Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered!

Cheyenne writes in and asks, “Why do you take breaks on the podcast when there are no commercials/ads? It’s just a curiosity that’s been tickling my brain.”  Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered!

Weekly ISA Challenge: Self Care

Pick any 3 from the list above and give yourself some loving self care this week! Those that reside in the United States are celebrating Thanksgiving this week. There’s few better ways to give thanks for the life we all have than with a little self care!

Of course, there are many more ways than just the 7 I mentioned. If you have any other ways you prefer to incorporate some self care into your life please leave me a message in the comments of this post!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Nov 182013


I remember as a young child dreaming of becoming an actor. Even before school plays were an option (which I did many) I performed shows for my family and even my neighbors. I’d dress up as Michael Jackson in the early 80’s and go door to door putting on performances. If I wasn’t acting in a formal play I was “acting” in the school classroom and in front of anyone who would put up with my characters.

Somewhere along the way I gave up on that dream and settled for the “fact” that I had to go to school and get a “real job”. Of course, I was never satisfied in my early adult life and kept longing for something more. But I was convinced that those early childhood dreams were just that…dreams.

I’m not alone and know that all of you had childhood dreams. What were some of the ones you had? While acting was my big dream, I had many more and all of which were replaced with “being practical” and believing I wasn’t enough. Can you relate?

Well in this episode I sit down for a one on one conversation with Terri Cole. Terri is a licensed Psychotherapist and Transformation Coach. She’s been helping thousands of people over the last two decades break through their fears and reach their goals.

Although Terri did the academic work, graduating with a Masters from NYU she also did the personal work of overcoming a really unhealthy lifestyle in the Entertainment Industry where caffeine, nicotine, and “looking good” were driving forces to making it in the world. Through lots of hard work, counseling, research, inner reflection, and study Terri transformed her life and I know she will help to transform yours.

Terri and I thought it would be fun to have a conversation about our dreams. Specifically, about how we all had dreams as little kids but somewhere along the way those dreams turned into doubt. As adults the dreams of our childhood lay buried underneath years of shame, abuse, and lies told by others. You’re going to hear how and why this happened and more importantly what you can do about it.

To listen to this weeks awesome conversation with Terri Cole and to find out how you can reclaim your dreams go to iTunes or listen here!

For those who listened to this weeks podcast and weren’t able to write down this weeks challenge here it is again. Remember, Terri personally invited you to take this challenge and call her on her Hay House Radio Show to let her know what you thought! If you call in on her show (Monday’s 12pm EST) be sure to let her know you heard her on The I Simply Am Podcast!

Weekly ISA Challenge: Reclaiming Your Dreams and Making Them a Reality

1. For 7 days straight (starting today) choose one thing every day that is in alignment with a dream you have given up.
2. The dream never left you which means this is your opportunity to reclaim it!
3. Every day build on the previous day’s challenge. For example, if you dreamed of being a singer but no longer sing start off on day 1 giving yourself permission to sing in the shower. Day 2 perhaps you might sing in the car with someone riding shotgun. By the end of the week you may just be singing karaoke in front of hundreds of others.
4. Keep it fun! The key is to do something (even small) every day for a week as long as it’s inline with that dream you still carry!

Check out Terri on her site at and be sure to tune in to her Hay House Radio Show live on Monday’s at 12pm EST. I also strongly encourage you to liker her Facebook Page and follow her on Twitter!

I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Terri Cole. Please let Terri and I know what you thought of this weeks challenge in the comments of the post! Stay tuned for upcoming episodes where I’ll be having more conversations with people that will inspire, transform, and help you answer the question, Who am I?


Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Nov 112013


In this weeks 10th episode of the I Simply Am Podcast I answer listener questions from episode 9 on forgiveness and apologies. In addition, I talk about what’s better than happiness and how you can get it. Finally, I give you the weekly ISA Challenge that you can try on your own! Read below for all the show notes and listen to the podcast for the complete show!
Cheyenne Christine Naegler writes in with some questions below (note: I’ve edited her actual message to format for this post. To read her complete message simply visit the original message on the I Simply Am Facebook page.

“A friend of mine has her children respond to other people saying “I’m sorry” with “well, I don’t forgive you right now”. I’ve always kinda thought that was a good idea because I felt that forcing children or anyone to apologize wasn’t solving anything but rather creates people who accepted whatever happened to them. How does that all play into the forgiveness? We are all taught to apologise for doing something that hurts the other person be it accidentally or on purpose which is really a way for saying Please forgive me”, is it not? And is saying “it’s OK” another version of “I forgive you”? If it means the same & we are saying we shouldn’t seek other’s forgiveness nor are we able to truly give it than do we apologise for hurting others?”

First, if someone apologizes to us I don’t think it’s necessary to say, “I don’t forgive you right now”. It’s really none of their business if and/or when you ever forgive them because forgiveness is for yourself not for them. I do think it’s appropriate to say, “Thank you” or “I appreciate that”.

Letting them know you heard them is important and acknowledges that you’ve done just that. However, saying “thank you” or “I appreciate that” doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook either. It’s simply an acknowledgment and you can still choose to not talk to them or spend time with them.

To your question regarding replying with an “it’s ok” to an apology? I would only say that if you were truly in a place to do that. Again, forgiveness isn’t for them so it’s just not necessary to say anything other than “Thank you” or “I appreciate that”.

My take on forgiveness vs apologizing:

Forgiveness is for yourself, apologizing is mostly for the other person. An authentic apology isn’t done to get something in return (i.e.; forgiveness). Apologizing is your way of honoring your fallibility and letting the other person know that your behavior was unacceptable. They may choose to forgive you or they may not but you’re doing the responsible thing by honoring your own goodness. If you’re apologizing just so the other person “forgives” you then you’re acting irresponsible at best and inauthentic and manipulating at worse.

Christine: “You mentioned that there are somethings that you just can’t forgive or move past I like to believe that we all choose our path for a reason and pull things to us so that we can learn certain lessons & shape ourselves into who we really are. If we are forgiving ourselves & can’t really forgive other’s than wouldn’t that mean that no matter the trauma you were a victim?”

Yes and No. When we are traumatized by someone else we are a victim. I was held up at gunpoint many years ago and while handcuffed with a gun in my back I was asked if I wanted to die for the money. In that moment I was a victim. However, for many years after I struggled with a lot of fear. While I wasn’t a victim anymore (i.e.; the gun was only in my back for a few minutes while my fear lasted for years) I became a victim to the fear that I carried. My original point in the podcast is that some people were traumatized so brutally (take for example the 3 women that were kidnapped by Ariel Castro in the US) that even though they are no longer victims to their perpetrators they may always be a victim to those feelings they carry (i.e.; the fear). Obviously, they and we hope that they will recover but the point I was making was that the abuse can be so bad that they may never fully be free. It’s not a judgement on anyone, it’s just something that we all need to be aware of.

Todd Adams from Zen Parenting Radio also wrote in with a question:

“Loved the show this week. one thing i was hoping you might answer on your next show was how do we respond when somebody asks us for forgiveness and we haven’t done the work to authentically tell them what they want to hear without being rude?”

This is an awesome question Todd and one I really had to consider before answering! As I mentioned in episode 9 when others ask us for forgiveness it’s a boundary failure on their part. They are more concerned with feeling better about themselves which is why they’re asking in the first place. Second, they’re not concerned with whether or not you’ve healed from whatever happened, they just want to feel better.

Knowing this, you still don’t want to be passive aggressive even when it’s really inappropriate for them to ask you. So, unless you have fully forgiven YOURSELF from the feelings associated with their actions I would reply with one of the following:

“I love you AND I am still having some feelings about what happened.”
“Our relationship is important to me and I need some time to process this.”
“What happened isn’t working for me and I’m going to need time to process this.”

Notice that the statements use “I” and not “you” – it’s about you and they can’t become defensive if you’re talking about yourself here. You don’t want to get into a back and forth with them about what they did or didn’t do. Remember, this whole process about forgiveness is for you in the first place.

ISA Community Shout Out

Melinda Helfand Stankowski, Dena Newman Dial, Valerie McBain, Kim Hall, Lucy Egerton, Jennifer Bullock (, and Sarah from @sarieslittlemen

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on FB, and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show.

Show Topic: What’s Better Than Happiness and How You Can Get it! <–Listen to the Podcast for the full show!

  • Today’s culture wants us to be happy all the time.
  • If we’re not happy something must be wrong.
  • We get to feel all our feelings.
  • When we minimize one feeling (i.e.; sadness, grief, frustration) we minimize other feelings (happy, joy, hope)
  • What’s better than happiness and how can you get it?
    • Feeling all your feelings
    • Letting your feelings be just what they are and not becoming them
    • Not chasing feelings – become addicted to “feeling good” and don’t know what to do when we don’t.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Tell The Truth

1. When someone asks you how you’re feeling, tell them the truth.
2. Don’t respond with “fine”, “ok” or “good”.
3. Instead let them know you’re feeling happy, excited, relaxed or sad, frustrated, or angry
4. Own your feelings and don’t let what others are going to think about your feelings stop you from being honest and having them.

It’s OK to not feel great all the time! If you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling when you’re uncomfortable you’ll get to experience the fullness of happiness and joy when they come around!

Nov 042013


In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I break forgiveness down into two parts and share with you the real truth about what it is and what it’s not. If someone has ever hurt you in anyway then you really should listen to this episode. Below are the show notes for the episode.

ISA Community News:

  • Within the next month I’m going to start bringing on some great guests! I’ll likely bring on someone every other week but if you think I should have guests on more or less than that please let me know!
  • Check out the Terri Cole Radio Show on Hay House – Click Here for Terri’s Show!
  • Thank you to all that are listening. We’re now being listened to in more than 57 countries and even spent time in the iTunes Top 10 Self Help Podcast list!
  • I want to give a special thanks for the reviews on iTunes: Todd Adams, It’s Dahling, Open Table User, Will Stapleton, Dave Madow (check out Dave’s podcast)

ISA Community Appreciation

On this weeks show we gave appreciation to 3 ISA Facebook Members: Christopher Severance,  Cheyenne Christine Naegler, and David Madow.

If you’d like to get some Appreciation simply join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show as well.

Show Topic: The Truth Behind Forgiveness 

  • When others ask for forgiveness it’s not about you, it’s about them.
  • Those that ask for forgiveness do so they can feel better about themselves.
  • They move on and you’re stuck with the pain they left you.
  • Even worse, it’s often shame that causes you to “forgive” them.
  • Leads to a shame-bind, feel ashamed for feeling hurt because you forgave them.
  • Forgiveness is not something you give, it’s something you get.
  • Forgiveness is the bi-product of healing.
  • When we go through the work of healing, forgiveness is the gift.
  • The gift is not for those that hurt us, the gift is that we can detach from the constricted feelings of pain.
  • You know when you have found forgiveness because you are no longer victim to the pain that was caused you.
  • Some traumas are so severe that we may never find forgiveness. It may be a struggle just to process the healing.

What Forgiveness is NOT

  • It’s not suggesting that what they did was acceptable. It was wrong then and it’s wrong now.
  • It’s not given to those that hurt us. It’s for us.
  • It’s not something that is given at will. It only comes as a result of healing.
  • It’s not something we should ever be shamed into doing.
  • While forgiveness is a goal, it’s not something we’re ever responsible for obtaining.

What Forgiveness IS

  • It’s a gift for those that suffered from the abuse of others (mental, spiritual, religious, emotional, physical, sexual).
  • It is a result of true inner healing.
  • It is something that comes naturally.
  • It is what allows you to fully embrace your wholeness and live a life of fullness and abundance.
  • It is the sign that you have returned to true inner peace.

Weekly ISA Challenge:A Path to Forgiveness

Step 1. Think of something that someone did to offend or hurt you. Don’t use any major traumas for this exercise.
Step 2. Acknowledge that the only thing that could have driven that person to hurt you was their own internal suffering.
Step 3. Affirm yourself with the following statement: “I AM and I have ALWAYS been Safe, Important, and Valuable EVEN WHEN others lash out with their own internal suffering.”
Step 4. Make a decision to not carry around the perpetrators anger, frustration, and shame any longer.

**If you like the Podcast then please give us a shout out on Twitter by visiting,

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 282013

photo credit:

Below are the show notes for this weeks podcast and I highly encourage you to listen to the full podcast.

Our show started with a special appreciation and shout out for one of our listener’s!

ISA Community Shout Out

Della Rae: Radio Host, Lecturer, and Author. Della hosts the Be Well Radio Show on KBOO 90.7 (Portland). She also wrote a book called, Little Book of Self-Care, and you can find her at This week I want to appreciate that Della is Expressive, Beautiful, and Nurturing Della. These were 3 easy qualities to see in Della so I can only imagine how much more is there once you get to know her. Thank you Della!

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on FaceBook or Twitter and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site right on the show.

Think You’re Not Enough? Here’s How to Stop!

We all feel less than or not enough. Some of us think that once in a while and for others it’s daily. For most of us we don’t even realize we do but it comes out in our actions. The thought that we are not beautiful, not intelligent, not good, or that we don’t matter was fed into our impressionable minds from a young age. Many of us have been carrying these “false beliefs” around for most of our lives. Often times we can hear that voice clearly in our head.

Other times that voice is much more subtle and not so obvious. Someone says something and you snap back, You’re not picked to be on a team or for that job and you lash out or retreat, Someone gets some recognition and you reflect on why you didn’t and what that means. There are moments throughout our day where it may not be so obvious that deep down inside we don’t think we matter. Yet, it lives deep inside of us and those emotions are just waiting to express themselves just at the right moment. It very typically comes out in anger and frustration. After all, we may carry these thoughts with us but they are not true.

These thoughts are more than just negative and persistent thoughts. These thoughts literally prevent us from living our dreams. Even if we don’t outright say them, they live underneath the surface and drive a lot of our behaviors. Even if you’re not one that hears that voice on the surface you can still pick out what it’s saying. It may say, I am not… – good, beautiful, intelligent, creative, caring, lovable, loving, worthy, valuable, precious, important, or strong enough. Search deep down inside and think about what that voice – that inner critic- is telling you about yourself.

The good news is that there is a method in which we can rid ourselves, at least greatly reduce, those thoughts and prevent them from ruining our hopes and dreams. It’s a quite simple process but does take some intention on your part. The other thing to consider is that these thoughts you carry were engrained from a very young age. This means that while you can get some relief and wonderful self awareness now, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be “healed” after doing this exercise once.

As much as we all want that magic pill, I think we all know that good things take work and personal development and self awareness are not the exception to that rule. Let’s start with a little background before we get to the exercise.

Those negative false beliefs we carry are only there because someone far back in our past told us either directly or indirectly that they were true. Then either that same person or another person reminded us again and again and again. Eventually, our little brains picked up that information as being true about us. After all, we were not born thinking we were stupid, ugly, and not important. That just doesn’t happen so we know this is something that we learned.

If these thoughts amount to something we “picked up” along the way than that also means we can give them back! Most of these negative false beliefs can be attributed to shame (anything that makes us feel less than or not enough) and are given to us by our caregivers.

Now be careful with this. This isn’t about blaming your caregiver. We talked about blame in episode 6, so listen to that if you haven’t already. Everyone always does the very best they can do, under the circumstances, and given the resources available. If you can’t accept this statement as being true then you’re going to find yourself as a victim. This is about understanding where this information came from and returning it!

These thoughts have not served us well and in fact have kept us small. They’ve prevented us from building the relationships we deserve and living out the dreams we’ve had as young children. Our caregivers threw their shame on us because this was the same message they picked up as a young child and likely never had the tools to learn how to change that and heal.

Many “Thought Leaders” will give you advice that you have to “Be Happy” and “Think Positive” to change your life. No, feeling happy has nothing to do with changing your thoughts. Thoughts and feelings are two different things and in fact your feelings depend greatly on your thoughts. So how do we change our thoughts? Well, as it pertains to these false beliefs we give those thoughts back!

How do we do this? First, understand that this exercise is to be done in your mind. You’re not going to confront your caregivers about this. After all, this is your problem to work out in your own mind. This isn’t about blame and it’s not about seeking out apologies, getting revenge, or anything like that. They were doing the best they could even if it was horrible treatment to you.

Find a quiet place where you can spend 5 or 10 minutes to yourself. You can close your eyes before you start the exercise (unless you need to read these notes) as it will help with the process. You’re going to envision yourself standing in a room and you’re going to place a chair in front of you. Place that chair wherever you feel comfortable. It can be a foot in front of you or 20 feet in front of you. Remember this is all in your head so you can get really creative. You’re then going to tell (not invite) the caregiver you want to confront (the one who told you directly or indirectly that you were stupid, ugly, not important, etc.) to sit down.

Once that person is sitting down you’re going to tell them how all those stories they told you about how you weren’t enough were not true. You’re going to tell them how that message hasn’t served you and you’re going to give it back to them. That message that you weren’t smart enough was their story, not yours.

Imagine yourself pulling deep into your belly or chest and giving back all those negative feelings. Picture those feelings and stories being in the form of gook and watch it spew back on to them. Let them take all that stuff back and when you’re done giving it back you’re going to send them on your way.

As you practice this, one thing will become more and more clear. As you respond to the things you do in life you’re going to know very quickly whether it’s based on your own adult thoughts and feelings or based on the lies you received as a child. You’ll get more options in life and become much more self aware.You’ll learn what’s guiding you to take action and that will literally change your life.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Getting Rid of The Lies

1. Become aware when you are having feelings of shame (less than).

2. Remind yourself (with intentional breath) that these are not your feelings but those that got stuck on you from a small age.

3. In your mind bring that person into present time and sit them down. Give them back all of their feelings, acknowledging they’re not yours.

4. Send them off and let them know you’ll bring them back when you need to.

If you’re wondering how this is going to work since this is all in your head, ask yourself where those thoughts of not being enough exist…in your head! This is why this works needs to be an internal process as this is what shapes our life. Of course, for purposes of the podcast and this post I had to keep this as easy to digest as possible. There are more variations of these steps I shared and depending on your personal situation there could be other steps to take.

If you want to stop letting these thoughts get in the way of having the relationships you deserve and from preventing you from living out your dreams please get in touch with me. I offer 1 on 1 Coaching over the phone or Skype and would be honored to walk with you through this journey. Please email me directly and we can talk about what might work best for you.

With Gratitude and Appreciation,




Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 212013


This week on The I Simply Am Podcast I talk about everyday normal opportunities in which we can gain some greater self awareness. Specifically, the starting place for which we see the world is programmed into us from an early age. Many of the “stories” we have in our minds about how the world works are so conditioned into our normal lives that we don’t even know we have a choice to change them.

The good news is we can change the way we see things and in turn those things soon will actually begin to change. I go through 7 common situations in which we have opportunities to choose a different story. It all goes back to what our starting place is and being aware that it doesn’t have to stay that way. Below are the show notes but for the full show with much more please check it out in iTunes or click here!

ISA Community Shout Out

This weeks Shout Out and Appreciation – Kathleen Shannon

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show.

7 Everyday Opportunities to Change How We See The World

1. When others wrong us

2. When others ask us questions

3. When it’s Monday morning

4. When it’s raining outside

5. A Boss or authority figure calls you

6. See someone walking down the street

7. We make a mistake

It’s really hard to see the goodness in ourselves when we can’t see it in others. It’s also really hard to see the goodness in others when we can’t see it in ourselves.

Start to notice the truth in others this week. Practice changing your starting place by becoming aware of your stories. As you see the goodness in others, the creativity in others, and the value in others, you’ll begin to notice those things in yourself as well.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Changing Your Starting Place

The First step to any change is awareness. So this week is gong to be very simple. Notice the goodness in others everywhere you go. When (not if) you slip up, bring yourself back to your intention of seeing others for who they are and not for what they do.

Again, this week is only about becoming aware of your starting place and how you see others. Remember, that it’s going to take practice and lots of it. You didn’t create the stories about who others are overnight and you won’t create new ones overnight either. Go easy on yourself and if you notice it’s hard to see the goodness in others don’t beat yourself up. Having the awareness is key here and it’s going to take time. Remember, this is about progress and not perfection.

Finally, if you have any questions relating to this topic or any other please leave them in the comments on this blog post, on Facebook or you can email me! If I answer your question on the show I’ll mention  your name (unless you’d rather be anonymous) and company/site!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 142013


TGIM! Yup, Thank Goodness It’s Monday everyone! Who says you have to wait for Friday before having a good day, right? Monday’s are a great day to set your intention for the week. This is exactly why The I Simply Am Podcast is released every Monday and why we give you tools you can use every week to live your best life. You’re not going to want to miss this weeks podcast so listen to it out right now or view it on iTunes (or continue reading the show notes below).

ISA Community Shout Out

My ISA Shout Out this week is to Mick Hall. Mick has been instrumental in supporting me in making my dreams come true. Specifically, he’s joined my Accountability Team (Listen to Episode 5 if you want to find out what that is). I appreciate how supportive, compassionate, and inspiring he is. Watching him reach out to others, like myself, makes me want to in turn reach out to others.

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show and in the show notes.

ISA News


This last week the podcast was #13 in iTunes’ Top Podcasts for Self-Help. It did wind up bouncing up and down in position so I’m not really sure how the ratings work. While it would be great to be up there in the Top 10, we’ve only been in production for just over a month and I’m honored and humbled I’m even listed. The Podcast is being heard in almost 2 dozen countries including Korea, China, Turkey, Australia, New Zealand, UK, South Africa, India, and many more…Thank you all for listening no matter what Country you’re in!

Today’s Topic: The One Thing That’s Holding You Back in Life (and how to overcome it)

I’m going to list 4 different scenarios and I want you to tell me what the pattern is.

1. “I never have any money left over after I pay my bills! When is the economy going to turn around? I’m really tired of those Politicians.”
2. “My Manager is a moron and I can’t get ahead in this Company. I wish he would just quit already!”
3. “Whenever I hang out with my friend I can’t get a word in and it’s always about her. Why do I always wind up with friends who are so self-absorbed?”
4. “My wife always makes me so mad. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I have to work late and even stop at the bar on the way home just to get some relief.”

Did you notice a theme in these 4 scenarios?

If you guessed blame you’re right!

Here’s an outline of some differences between holding a person or thing at fault vs blaming them. Notice the only similarity is the 1st point.


1. Hold someone/something responsible.
2. Hold someone/something accountable to repair/fix.
3. Awareness around what’s caused the problem.
4. You create options to resolve the situation independent of party at fault.
5. May choose to forgive offending party as a means to release yourself from the pain associated with the action.
6. Judgment, gossip, and shame don’t need to enter the picture and you are left with unlimited possibilities to move forward.


1. Hold someone/something responsible.
2. You have a Passive Aggressive response and no real intention to hold them accountable.
3. May or may not be aware of what truly created the problem.
4. The only option to resolving issue is for the party being blamed to fix it or change.
5. Can’t forgive other party and will act as a victim until other party/person changes.
6. Often turns to gossip and shame and always keeps you in a small and constricted position.

The problem with acting like you’re a victim is that no one is coming to save you.

We all blame and it’s important to note that we have a choice whether to instead acknowledge someone at fault without judgment, gossip, shame or blame. It’s a big difference which approach we take and when we accept that blaming others only leaves us as a helpless victim we can then take the steps necessary to get our power back.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Taking Your Power Back

Step 1: Identify something in your life that you are blaming (i.e.; partner, government, employer, friend, etc.)
Step 2: Decide that you are no longer a victim.
Step 3: Hold the other party accountable, if you can, and then write down 3 options in which you can change the situation.
Step 4: Act on one of those 3 options this week and begin the process of taking your power back.

Note: Be careful, as excuses will jump all over you. Your inner critic will come up with all kinds of reasons why those 3 options won’t work and why you’re stuck. If this happens tell your inner critic, you’re just going to try it out. If your inner critic comes back strong, tell it that it’s probably right and will likely tell you, “I told you so” but you’re just going to humor yourself this one time.

Leaving us a written review on iTunes helps the show become visible to other like-minded individuals as yourself looking to live a more fulfilling life. I would be grateful if you left an honest review.

Finally, if you have any questions that you would like answered on the podcast please leave a comment below (or here if you’re reading this post in an email) or send me an email!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,




Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

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