Oct 282013
 

 

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photo credit: www.teenpoetryblog.wordpress.com

Below are the show notes for this weeks podcast and I highly encourage you to listen to the full podcast.

Our show started with a special appreciation and shout out for one of our listener’s!

ISA Community Shout Out

Della Rae: Radio Host, Lecturer, and Author. Della hosts the Be Well Radio Show on KBOO 90.7 (Portland). She also wrote a book called, Little Book of Self-Care, and you can find her at www.DellaRae.net. This week I want to appreciate that Della is Expressive, Beautiful, and Nurturing Della. These were 3 easy qualities to see in Della so I can only imagine how much more is there once you get to know her. Thank you Della!

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on FaceBook or Twitter and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site right on the show.

Think You’re Not Enough? Here’s How to Stop!

We all feel less than or not enough. Some of us think that once in a while and for others it’s daily. For most of us we don’t even realize we do but it comes out in our actions. The thought that we are not beautiful, not intelligent, not good, or that we don’t matter was fed into our impressionable minds from a young age. Many of us have been carrying these “false beliefs” around for most of our lives. Often times we can hear that voice clearly in our head.

Other times that voice is much more subtle and not so obvious. Someone says something and you snap back, You’re not picked to be on a team or for that job and you lash out or retreat, Someone gets some recognition and you reflect on why you didn’t and what that means. There are moments throughout our day where it may not be so obvious that deep down inside we don’t think we matter. Yet, it lives deep inside of us and those emotions are just waiting to express themselves just at the right moment. It very typically comes out in anger and frustration. After all, we may carry these thoughts with us but they are not true.

These thoughts are more than just negative and persistent thoughts. These thoughts literally prevent us from living our dreams. Even if we don’t outright say them, they live underneath the surface and drive a lot of our behaviors. Even if you’re not one that hears that voice on the surface you can still pick out what it’s saying. It may say, I am not… – good, beautiful, intelligent, creative, caring, lovable, loving, worthy, valuable, precious, important, or strong enough. Search deep down inside and think about what that voice – that inner critic- is telling you about yourself.

The good news is that there is a method in which we can rid ourselves, at least greatly reduce, those thoughts and prevent them from ruining our hopes and dreams. It’s a quite simple process but does take some intention on your part. The other thing to consider is that these thoughts you carry were engrained from a very young age. This means that while you can get some relief and wonderful self awareness now, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be “healed” after doing this exercise once.

As much as we all want that magic pill, I think we all know that good things take work and personal development and self awareness are not the exception to that rule. Let’s start with a little background before we get to the exercise.

Those negative false beliefs we carry are only there because someone far back in our past told us either directly or indirectly that they were true. Then either that same person or another person reminded us again and again and again. Eventually, our little brains picked up that information as being true about us. After all, we were not born thinking we were stupid, ugly, and not important. That just doesn’t happen so we know this is something that we learned.

If these thoughts amount to something we “picked up” along the way than that also means we can give them back! Most of these negative false beliefs can be attributed to shame (anything that makes us feel less than or not enough) and are given to us by our caregivers.

Now be careful with this. This isn’t about blaming your caregiver. We talked about blame in episode 6, so listen to that if you haven’t already. Everyone always does the very best they can do, under the circumstances, and given the resources available. If you can’t accept this statement as being true then you’re going to find yourself as a victim. This is about understanding where this information came from and returning it!

These thoughts have not served us well and in fact have kept us small. They’ve prevented us from building the relationships we deserve and living out the dreams we’ve had as young children. Our caregivers threw their shame on us because this was the same message they picked up as a young child and likely never had the tools to learn how to change that and heal.

Many “Thought Leaders” will give you advice that you have to “Be Happy” and “Think Positive” to change your life. No, feeling happy has nothing to do with changing your thoughts. Thoughts and feelings are two different things and in fact your feelings depend greatly on your thoughts. So how do we change our thoughts? Well, as it pertains to these false beliefs we give those thoughts back!

How do we do this? First, understand that this exercise is to be done in your mind. You’re not going to confront your caregivers about this. After all, this is your problem to work out in your own mind. This isn’t about blame and it’s not about seeking out apologies, getting revenge, or anything like that. They were doing the best they could even if it was horrible treatment to you.

Find a quiet place where you can spend 5 or 10 minutes to yourself. You can close your eyes before you start the exercise (unless you need to read these notes) as it will help with the process. You’re going to envision yourself standing in a room and you’re going to place a chair in front of you. Place that chair wherever you feel comfortable. It can be a foot in front of you or 20 feet in front of you. Remember this is all in your head so you can get really creative. You’re then going to tell (not invite) the caregiver you want to confront (the one who told you directly or indirectly that you were stupid, ugly, not important, etc.) to sit down.

Once that person is sitting down you’re going to tell them how all those stories they told you about how you weren’t enough were not true. You’re going to tell them how that message hasn’t served you and you’re going to give it back to them. That message that you weren’t smart enough was their story, not yours.

Imagine yourself pulling deep into your belly or chest and giving back all those negative feelings. Picture those feelings and stories being in the form of gook and watch it spew back on to them. Let them take all that stuff back and when you’re done giving it back you’re going to send them on your way.

As you practice this, one thing will become more and more clear. As you respond to the things you do in life you’re going to know very quickly whether it’s based on your own adult thoughts and feelings or based on the lies you received as a child. You’ll get more options in life and become much more self aware.You’ll learn what’s guiding you to take action and that will literally change your life.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Getting Rid of The Lies

1. Become aware when you are having feelings of shame (less than).

2. Remind yourself (with intentional breath) that these are not your feelings but those that got stuck on you from a small age.

3. In your mind bring that person into present time and sit them down. Give them back all of their feelings, acknowledging they’re not yours.

4. Send them off and let them know you’ll bring them back when you need to.

If you’re wondering how this is going to work since this is all in your head, ask yourself where those thoughts of not being enough exist…in your head! This is why this works needs to be an internal process as this is what shapes our life. Of course, for purposes of the podcast and this post I had to keep this as easy to digest as possible. There are more variations of these steps I shared and depending on your personal situation there could be other steps to take.

If you want to stop letting these thoughts get in the way of having the relationships you deserve and from preventing you from living out your dreams please get in touch with me. I offer 1 on 1 Coaching over the phone or Skype and would be honored to walk with you through this journey. Please email me directly and we can talk about what might work best for you.

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 212013
 

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This week on The I Simply Am Podcast I talk about everyday normal opportunities in which we can gain some greater self awareness. Specifically, the starting place for which we see the world is programmed into us from an early age. Many of the “stories” we have in our minds about how the world works are so conditioned into our normal lives that we don’t even know we have a choice to change them.

The good news is we can change the way we see things and in turn those things soon will actually begin to change. I go through 7 common situations in which we have opportunities to choose a different story. It all goes back to what our starting place is and being aware that it doesn’t have to stay that way. Below are the show notes but for the full show with much more please check it out in iTunes or click here!

ISA Community Shout Out

This weeks Shout Out and Appreciation – Kathleen Shannon

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show.

7 Everyday Opportunities to Change How We See The World

1. When others wrong us

2. When others ask us questions

3. When it’s Monday morning

4. When it’s raining outside

5. A Boss or authority figure calls you

6. See someone walking down the street

7. We make a mistake

It’s really hard to see the goodness in ourselves when we can’t see it in others. It’s also really hard to see the goodness in others when we can’t see it in ourselves.

Start to notice the truth in others this week. Practice changing your starting place by becoming aware of your stories. As you see the goodness in others, the creativity in others, and the value in others, you’ll begin to notice those things in yourself as well.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Changing Your Starting Place

The First step to any change is awareness. So this week is gong to be very simple. Notice the goodness in others everywhere you go. When (not if) you slip up, bring yourself back to your intention of seeing others for who they are and not for what they do.

Again, this week is only about becoming aware of your starting place and how you see others. Remember, that it’s going to take practice and lots of it. You didn’t create the stories about who others are overnight and you won’t create new ones overnight either. Go easy on yourself and if you notice it’s hard to see the goodness in others don’t beat yourself up. Having the awareness is key here and it’s going to take time. Remember, this is about progress and not perfection.

Finally, if you have any questions relating to this topic or any other please leave them in the comments on this blog post, on Facebook or you can email me! If I answer your question on the show I’ll mention  your name (unless you’d rather be anonymous) and company/site!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 142013
 

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TGIM! Yup, Thank Goodness It’s Monday everyone! Who says you have to wait for Friday before having a good day, right? Monday’s are a great day to set your intention for the week. This is exactly why The I Simply Am Podcast is released every Monday and why we give you tools you can use every week to live your best life. You’re not going to want to miss this weeks podcast so listen to it out right now or view it on iTunes (or continue reading the show notes below).

ISA Community Shout Out

My ISA Shout Out this week is to Mick Hall. Mick has been instrumental in supporting me in making my dreams come true. Specifically, he’s joined my Accountability Team (Listen to Episode 5 if you want to find out what that is). I appreciate how supportive, compassionate, and inspiring he is. Watching him reach out to others, like myself, makes me want to in turn reach out to others.

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show and in the show notes.

ISA News

iTunes

This last week the podcast was #13 in iTunes’ Top Podcasts for Self-Help. It did wind up bouncing up and down in position so I’m not really sure how the ratings work. While it would be great to be up there in the Top 10, we’ve only been in production for just over a month and I’m honored and humbled I’m even listed. The Podcast is being heard in almost 2 dozen countries including Korea, China, Turkey, Australia, New Zealand, UK, South Africa, India, and many more…Thank you all for listening no matter what Country you’re in!

Today’s Topic: The One Thing That’s Holding You Back in Life (and how to overcome it)

I’m going to list 4 different scenarios and I want you to tell me what the pattern is.

1. “I never have any money left over after I pay my bills! When is the economy going to turn around? I’m really tired of those Politicians.”
2. “My Manager is a moron and I can’t get ahead in this Company. I wish he would just quit already!”
3. “Whenever I hang out with my friend I can’t get a word in and it’s always about her. Why do I always wind up with friends who are so self-absorbed?”
4. “My wife always makes me so mad. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I have to work late and even stop at the bar on the way home just to get some relief.”

Did you notice a theme in these 4 scenarios?

If you guessed blame you’re right!

Here’s an outline of some differences between holding a person or thing at fault vs blaming them. Notice the only similarity is the 1st point.

Fault:

1. Hold someone/something responsible.
2. Hold someone/something accountable to repair/fix.
3. Awareness around what’s caused the problem.
4. You create options to resolve the situation independent of party at fault.
5. May choose to forgive offending party as a means to release yourself from the pain associated with the action.
6. Judgment, gossip, and shame don’t need to enter the picture and you are left with unlimited possibilities to move forward.

Blame:

1. Hold someone/something responsible.
2. You have a Passive Aggressive response and no real intention to hold them accountable.
3. May or may not be aware of what truly created the problem.
4. The only option to resolving issue is for the party being blamed to fix it or change.
5. Can’t forgive other party and will act as a victim until other party/person changes.
6. Often turns to gossip and shame and always keeps you in a small and constricted position.

The problem with acting like you’re a victim is that no one is coming to save you.

We all blame and it’s important to note that we have a choice whether to instead acknowledge someone at fault without judgment, gossip, shame or blame. It’s a big difference which approach we take and when we accept that blaming others only leaves us as a helpless victim we can then take the steps necessary to get our power back.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Taking Your Power Back

Step 1: Identify something in your life that you are blaming (i.e.; partner, government, employer, friend, etc.)
Step 2: Decide that you are no longer a victim.
Step 3: Hold the other party accountable, if you can, and then write down 3 options in which you can change the situation.
Step 4: Act on one of those 3 options this week and begin the process of taking your power back.

Note: Be careful, as excuses will jump all over you. Your inner critic will come up with all kinds of reasons why those 3 options won’t work and why you’re stuck. If this happens tell your inner critic, you’re just going to try it out. If your inner critic comes back strong, tell it that it’s probably right and will likely tell you, “I told you so” but you’re just going to humor yourself this one time.

Leaving us a written review on iTunes helps the show become visible to other like-minded individuals as yourself looking to live a more fulfilling life. I would be grateful if you left an honest review.

Finally, if you have any questions that you would like answered on the podcast please leave a comment below (or here if you’re reading this post in an email) or send me an email!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 112013
 
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Photograph by Kat Teutsch

We all have moments where we feel overwhelmed. Whether you’re off to a late start and the kids aren’t cooperating or you’re facing financial troubles. It’s one of those feelings that can come often and yet there’s little you can do about it.

At least it seems there’s little you can do about it and the end result is usually behavior you’re not really proud of. I can recall many times I’ve yelled at my children, had too much wine, bought things I can’t afford, or said things I would later regret all in the name of overwhelm.

The problem isn’t feeling overwhelm, the problem is not having the proper tools to be able to respond to it accordingly. I want to give you a tool you can use every day. With it  you’ll be much less likely to raise your voice, head for the bar (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere) or say something you’ll later regret.

Before I just hand over the tool though it’s important to understand a theme here. That theme plays out in how we respond to our feelings. More specifically how we interpret our feelings.

Most of us get into a pickle – instead of having feelings or “feeling” feelings we become our feelings. It starts off with how we even talk about our feelings. We say all the time – I am happy or I am angry or I am depressed or I am scared. Yet, we are none of these things.

What if you were something other than your feelings? What if you acknowledged your feelings and allowed them to hang out for awhile but didn’t decide to let them define who you were? Consider how different your life might be if you respected your feelings, gave them some space, even said Hello to them but didn’t choose to be them?

We all know what someone who is frustrated, angry, or depressed looks like. What if those same people were responsible, thoughtful, patient, and joyful as the starting place and they also felt frustrated, angry, or depressed. Can you begin to see how who they are is not what they feel? Can you begin to see how they are bigger than their feelings and not the other way around?

When we become overwhelmed our feelings become bigger than who we are. We literally abandon our true nature (responsible, enough, whole, patient, joyful, etc.) in order to allow our feelings to overwhelm (or become bigger than) us.

So given how fast stress comes on and how easily it is for so many of us (myself included, many times) to feel overwhelmed, what can we do? Remember, we’re not trying to solve world problems here. In fact, weren’t not even necessarily trying to solve our own problems in the moment. We’re only allowing ourselves to get back in control and not let overwhelm take us over. Try on the following 90-second fix I like to call a PB&J Break (yup, just like the sandwich!).

Pause for the first 30-seconds

When overwhelm rears his ugly head we want to take action asap! In fact, often times we want to jump out of our skin and up through the roof! Instead we’re going to pause! Yup, we’re just going to take 30-seconds and pause. The purpose of the pause is to ground ourselves. We don’t need to be up in the sky where overwhelm wants us. We need to have our feet firmly planted and grounded.

Breathe for the next 30-seconds

Yes, you want to breathe when you’re pausing too (don’t stop breathing!) but for these 30 seconds we’re going to be focusing on our breath. By now hopefully, you’ve grounded yourself enough into a place where you can take some nice controlled breaths. Focus on a deep breathe coming in through your nose – down your throat – into your chest – down across your arms – into your belly (feel that belly push out) and all the way down to your feet. Do this for 30 seconds.

Just remember your starting place for the final 30-seconds

Okay, we’ve paused long enough to control our normal automatic response and we have some nice breaths in us to help ground us again. The final step is to remind ourselves of our starting place. We’re not those feelings that are trying to take us over. We’re intelligent, compassionate, capable, enough, whole, valuable, precious, creative, and important people who sometimes have feelings. Just remember to change your starting place before you respond to the situation at hand.

So that’s all you have to remember for the next life moment that happens! A 90-second PB&J Break may just make a difference in your day. Well I want to hear from you. Did the PB&J Break work for you? Do you have other tools you’d like to share with others when you feel overwhelm? Let me know!

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

 

 

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Oct 072013
 

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This week’s podcast  started off with a shout out to a Facebook Fan of the I Simply Am Page. I then shared a very personal and tragic story of a close friend of mine who died this past week. While it was difficult for me to share, my hope is through this podcast and blog that I’m able to help others who may feel overwhelmed and unwanted.

This is the first week I started answering listener/reader questions and Paula from www.TheWayofTheMommy.com wrote to us on Facebook with 3 questions that I answered. I then introduced the topic of this weeks podcast which is 7 Ways To Get Hours Back in Your Day”. Finally, I went over this weeks ISA Challenge! Below, find the show notes from the podcast but I highly encourage you to listen to it yourself for this and much more!

ISA Community Shout Out

Paula Lundquist: Paula has been a contributing member to the ISA Facebook page for some time now. I really appreciate how honest, vulnerable, and courageous she is. She shares openly and does an amazing job modeling what it looks like to truly want life change. She contributes often and I appreciate and celebrate you Paula.

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on FB, Facebook.com/isimplyam and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show.

Losing A Friend

One of my best friends for the last 15 years died this week. While we’re still awaiting the autopsy results it appears to be that he took his own life. He had everything on the outside but something was still eating away at him on the inside. He wound up coping and isolating as a means to get some relief.

The problem with coping and isolating is that while it temporarily takes the pain away it’s never resolving any of it. At some point, it’s just too much for even the coping mechanisms to be able to bear. He left behind a beautiful wife and 3 small beautiful children.

If you feel like something is missing from you. If you ever feel that you are not worthwhile or that you don’t matter please reach out. I realize the first instinct is to retract and claim that others don’t care, don’t have time, or you don’t want to bother them consider those red flags. Consider that the natural and appropriate thing to do is reach out. I realize that the norm in our society is to pull away or cope but I’m inviting you to consider this is a red flag that you’re going down the wrong path.

I’ll likely dedicate another show to this topic but wanted you to know I am grieving now for the loss of my friend and in addition to reaching out for support I’m also looking to the gifts that my friend left me along the way.

ISA Community Questions

Paula from TheWayofTheMommy.com wrote in on Facebook with the following questions:

1. How do I get into the zone so that time freezes? When I hear this question it reminds me of what being in the present looks like. There are some tips and suggestions I have here. First, forget about the notion of multi-tasking. It used to be the thing to do and we had this idea that we could do more things at once. The problem is, you may be doing multiple things but you’re not doing any one of them very well. Even worse, you’re not in the present when you’re multi-tasking because there’s part of you that’s focused on what’s next and that’s spread out across multiple different things. So the key here is to set aside some time to do just one thing. Another important thing to put in place is an intentional transition between tasks. If you were playing with the kids but have now set aside 30 minutes to focus on writing make sure you transition. It could include some deep breaths or even some light brushing off. Finally, if you find yourself focusing on the “what’s next” just gently bring yourself back to the present task at hand.

2. What kind of tips do you have so that I can experience more time or enoughness of time during the day and week? Everyone has the exact same amount of time every week. So no matter how you slice it we all get 168 hours in a week. Even if you get 8 hours of sleep every night and have a 40-hour a week job that still leaves you with 72 hours. Having said that instead of focusing on how much time you have or don’t have I would focus on what you’re doing with your time. Consider everything you do during a given week. Write down all of the major ways you spend your time. For example, work, spending time with the kids, writing, exercise, food shopping, watching tv, etc. Now look at the things that don’t align with your real goals. This may be a great exercise for you to not only redefine your goals and dreams but see where the time you are spending is going. For example, if you’re spending an hour a night watching TV maybe consider taking 4 of those 7 nights to focus on doing what you’re passionate about. Even if you do that it will still leave you with 3 hours a week of TV watching. That’s just one example. Remember, it’s not about how much time you have or don’t have, it’s about how you choose to spend your time.

3. Is planning really necessary or is there another way? I don’t think there’s one right answer here. I think for most people planning is the best route. This gives some structure and safety to your week while still allowing flexibility to change if something comes up. It’s also a nice way to track how your week is going relative to how you planned it. However, if planning isn’t quite your thing I would still consider assessing your week on Sunday’s. For example, take 30 minutes on a Sunday and write down how you spent most of your time. Consider what you accomplished and didn’t accomplish. You may have to revise how you tackle the next week based on your assessment.

Next week our focus will be on the topic of Blame. If you struggle with blaming others or find that others are blaming you please send in your questions and I’ll be sure to answer them on the podcast. Simply send me an email to josh@isimply.am with your questions or on Facebook and I’ll answer your questions on the show!

Show Topic: 7 Ways To Get Hours Back in Your Day

1. Surrender to outcome and let intention guide you. Focus on the bigger picture (of intention) and don’t get so caught up in what it’s supposed to look like. Go through your day focusing on whether or not what your’e doing is in alignment with your “bigger picture” (your intention) and less about how the outcome looks. This is a great tip for those perfectionists out there who are overly focused on the outcome.
2. Learn to say No. You don’t have to take on everything. A No to someone else is really a Yes to yourself.
3. Learn to say Yes and commit. This makes your Yes’ real and solidifies what you’ll be doing during the day and what you won’t be doing. Only doing what you say Yes too!
4. Being vs Doing. Remember, you are enough, whole, and important just because you’re here. The things you do are important and have value but they don’t define who you are. When you’re able to separate who you are from what you do, you’ll be amazed at how much time you get back in your day.
5. Get a Team. Not just to help with tasks but to help with support, encouragement and accountability.
6. Flexibility and Forgiveness. Allowing yourself to shift gears mid stream is key to not only living with intention but also to ensure you’re not stuck spending hours on something that’s just not right. Forgive yourself from having to stick to some unchangeable schedule or to other people expectations of you. Go back to intention, back to the bigger picture.
7. Self Care. Start off the day with a meditation or light brushing off and set your intentions. Doing so will free you up from all the other stuff that can bog you down throughout the day.

Weekly ISA Challenge:

Step 1: Create a Goal Setting and Action Plan. This will help you set your Intention or the Big Picture. You can make your own or you could do what I did and visit Scott Dinsmore’s site. He’s got an amazing template you can fill out. The site is www.liveyourlegend.net/email-updates and by just entering your email you’ll get full access (totally free) to the workbook and much more. I’m a subscriber to his site and if you don’t want to get anymore of his content after you get this workbook you can simply unsubscribe.
Step 2:Get an Accountability Team and set up daily or weekly check ins with them.
Step 3: Create a weekly schedule with Daily Themes. Ensure that your daily themes and your tasks throughout the day are aligned to your Action Plan and your bigger picture (intention). I like to use a template from Michael Hyatt over at http://michaelhyatt.com/myresources/my-ideal-week.png

If this is too much or feels overwhelming just go back to the list of 7 things I spoke about earlier and pick one or two of those things to work on throughout the week. Either way you’ll be moving in the right direction and taking one more step to living your fullest life!

For those of you that aren’t able to listen to a Podcast I want you to know that I miss my written posts as well. I plan to start writing more on the site as well so please be on the lookout for more written posts.

With Gratitude and Appreciation,

Josh_Sig

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

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