Nov 252013
 

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In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I answer a couple of Listener questions. In addition, I share 7 ways to care for the most important person in your life. As with all of the shows there’s another weekly challenge for you as well.

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As with all the shows we start out with some Appreciations and Shout Outs! This week I give appreciation to Marika Rosenthal Delan and XayandPor Yang. In addition I mention a couple of new I Simply Am fans! They are Lela Texeira who is a Life Coach at Inspired Design Coaching and Gina Caruso Hussar also a Life Coach at 30 Seconds to Peace.

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site on the show.

7 Ways To Care For The Most Important Person In Your Life

So who is the most important person in your life? Is it your partner? Your child? Your parent? Your friend? A grandparent?

Granted, these can all be very important people in our lives. But the most important person in each of our lives is often the one that gets neglected the most. YOU!

The reason you are the most important person in your life is because this is YOUR life. Without you in it, you have no life! Right? But what happens is that we wind up projecting all that love, care, attention, and appreciation on everyone else. This is a great thing but when we abandon ourselves to do this we’re neglecting the most important person.

Have you ever heard of the story of the Goose that laid the Golden Egg?

Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.)  Fables.
The Harvard Classics.  1909–14.

ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing.

This story is told to emphasize the downfall of acting greedy. However, I’m looking at this a little differently. We are all the Countrymen and we are all the Goose. We’re always doing our best to produce those golden eggs; usually in the name of pleasing others. Yet, in order to lay those eggs we need to be healthy and cared for. If our focus is always external there will come a day when we are left with nothing because the creator of those eggs never received the nurturing it needed.

Our capacity to love and care for others is directly related to the amount of love and care we have for ourselves. This isn’t being selfish or self-centered. This is being responsible. You can’t give what you don’t already have. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t care for yourself, if you don’t give yourself the needed attention, acceptance, and appreciation then your ability to give that to others is severely limited.

Here are 7 ways you can begin caring for the most important person in YOUR LIFE:

1. Meditation
2. Practice Gratitude
3. Incorporate a bed time ritual
4. Incorporate a morning ritual
5. Look in the mirror and say 5 things that are right about you
6. Forgive yourself FIRST for making a mistake
7. Go for a walk out in nature

Listener Questions:

Sarah writes in and asks, “Why are affirmations so hard”. Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered!

Cheyenne writes in and asks, “Why do you take breaks on the podcast when there are no commercials/ads? It’s just a curiosity that’s been tickling my brain.”  Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered!

Weekly ISA Challenge: Self Care

Pick any 3 from the list above and give yourself some loving self care this week! Those that reside in the United States are celebrating Thanksgiving this week. There’s few better ways to give thanks for the life we all have than with a little self care!

Of course, there are many more ways than just the 7 I mentioned. If you have any other ways you prefer to incorporate some self care into your life please leave me a message in the comments of this post!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Nov 182013
 

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I remember as a young child dreaming of becoming an actor. Even before school plays were an option (which I did many) I performed shows for my family and even my neighbors. I’d dress up as Michael Jackson in the early 80’s and go door to door putting on performances. If I wasn’t acting in a formal play I was “acting” in the school classroom and in front of anyone who would put up with my characters.

Somewhere along the way I gave up on that dream and settled for the “fact” that I had to go to school and get a “real job”. Of course, I was never satisfied in my early adult life and kept longing for something more. But I was convinced that those early childhood dreams were just that…dreams.

I’m not alone and know that all of you had childhood dreams. What were some of the ones you had? While acting was my big dream, I had many more and all of which were replaced with “being practical” and believing I wasn’t enough. Can you relate?

Well in this episode I sit down for a one on one conversation with Terri Cole. Terri is a licensed Psychotherapist and Transformation Coach. She’s been helping thousands of people over the last two decades break through their fears and reach their goals.

Although Terri did the academic work, graduating with a Masters from NYU she also did the personal work of overcoming a really unhealthy lifestyle in the Entertainment Industry where caffeine, nicotine, and “looking good” were driving forces to making it in the world. Through lots of hard work, counseling, research, inner reflection, and study Terri transformed her life and I know she will help to transform yours.

Terri and I thought it would be fun to have a conversation about our dreams. Specifically, about how we all had dreams as little kids but somewhere along the way those dreams turned into doubt. As adults the dreams of our childhood lay buried underneath years of shame, abuse, and lies told by others. You’re going to hear how and why this happened and more importantly what you can do about it.

To listen to this weeks awesome conversation with Terri Cole and to find out how you can reclaim your dreams go to iTunes or listen here!

For those who listened to this weeks podcast and weren’t able to write down this weeks challenge here it is again. Remember, Terri personally invited you to take this challenge and call her on her Hay House Radio Show to let her know what you thought! If you call in on her show (Monday’s 12pm EST) be sure to let her know you heard her on The I Simply Am Podcast!

Weekly ISA Challenge: Reclaiming Your Dreams and Making Them a Reality

1. For 7 days straight (starting today) choose one thing every day that is in alignment with a dream you have given up.
2. The dream never left you which means this is your opportunity to reclaim it!
3. Every day build on the previous day’s challenge. For example, if you dreamed of being a singer but no longer sing start off on day 1 giving yourself permission to sing in the shower. Day 2 perhaps you might sing in the car with someone riding shotgun. By the end of the week you may just be singing karaoke in front of hundreds of others.
4. Keep it fun! The key is to do something (even small) every day for a week as long as it’s inline with that dream you still carry!

Check out Terri on her site at www.TerriCole.com and be sure to tune in to her Hay House Radio Show live on Monday’s at 12pm EST. I also strongly encourage you to liker her Facebook Page and follow her on Twitter!

I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Terri Cole. Please let Terri and I know what you thought of this weeks challenge in the comments of the post! Stay tuned for upcoming episodes where I’ll be having more conversations with people that will inspire, transform, and help you answer the question, Who am I?

 

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Nov 112013
 

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In this weeks 10th episode of the I Simply Am Podcast I answer listener questions from episode 9 on forgiveness and apologies. In addition, I talk about what’s better than happiness and how you can get it. Finally, I give you the weekly ISA Challenge that you can try on your own! Read below for all the show notes and listen to the podcast for the complete show!
ISA Q&A
 
Cheyenne Christine Naegler writes in with some questions below (note: I’ve edited her actual message to format for this post. To read her complete message simply visit the original message on the I Simply Am Facebook page.

“A friend of mine has her children respond to other people saying “I’m sorry” with “well, I don’t forgive you right now”. I’ve always kinda thought that was a good idea because I felt that forcing children or anyone to apologize wasn’t solving anything but rather creates people who accepted whatever happened to them. How does that all play into the forgiveness? We are all taught to apologise for doing something that hurts the other person be it accidentally or on purpose which is really a way for saying Please forgive me”, is it not? And is saying “it’s OK” another version of “I forgive you”? If it means the same & we are saying we shouldn’t seek other’s forgiveness nor are we able to truly give it than do we apologise for hurting others?”

First, if someone apologizes to us I don’t think it’s necessary to say, “I don’t forgive you right now”. It’s really none of their business if and/or when you ever forgive them because forgiveness is for yourself not for them. I do think it’s appropriate to say, “Thank you” or “I appreciate that”.

Letting them know you heard them is important and acknowledges that you’ve done just that. However, saying “thank you” or “I appreciate that” doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook either. It’s simply an acknowledgment and you can still choose to not talk to them or spend time with them.

To your question regarding replying with an “it’s ok” to an apology? I would only say that if you were truly in a place to do that. Again, forgiveness isn’t for them so it’s just not necessary to say anything other than “Thank you” or “I appreciate that”.

My take on forgiveness vs apologizing:

Forgiveness is for yourself, apologizing is mostly for the other person. An authentic apology isn’t done to get something in return (i.e.; forgiveness). Apologizing is your way of honoring your fallibility and letting the other person know that your behavior was unacceptable. They may choose to forgive you or they may not but you’re doing the responsible thing by honoring your own goodness. If you’re apologizing just so the other person “forgives” you then you’re acting irresponsible at best and inauthentic and manipulating at worse.

Christine: “You mentioned that there are somethings that you just can’t forgive or move past I like to believe that we all choose our path for a reason and pull things to us so that we can learn certain lessons & shape ourselves into who we really are. If we are forgiving ourselves & can’t really forgive other’s than wouldn’t that mean that no matter the trauma you were a victim?”

Yes and No. When we are traumatized by someone else we are a victim. I was held up at gunpoint many years ago and while handcuffed with a gun in my back I was asked if I wanted to die for the money. In that moment I was a victim. However, for many years after I struggled with a lot of fear. While I wasn’t a victim anymore (i.e.; the gun was only in my back for a few minutes while my fear lasted for years) I became a victim to the fear that I carried. My original point in the podcast is that some people were traumatized so brutally (take for example the 3 women that were kidnapped by Ariel Castro in the US) that even though they are no longer victims to their perpetrators they may always be a victim to those feelings they carry (i.e.; the fear). Obviously, they and we hope that they will recover but the point I was making was that the abuse can be so bad that they may never fully be free. It’s not a judgement on anyone, it’s just something that we all need to be aware of.

Todd Adams from Zen Parenting Radio also wrote in with a question:

“Loved the show this week. one thing i was hoping you might answer on your next show was how do we respond when somebody asks us for forgiveness and we haven’t done the work to authentically tell them what they want to hear without being rude?”

This is an awesome question Todd and one I really had to consider before answering! As I mentioned in episode 9 when others ask us for forgiveness it’s a boundary failure on their part. They are more concerned with feeling better about themselves which is why they’re asking in the first place. Second, they’re not concerned with whether or not you’ve healed from whatever happened, they just want to feel better.

Knowing this, you still don’t want to be passive aggressive even when it’s really inappropriate for them to ask you. So, unless you have fully forgiven YOURSELF from the feelings associated with their actions I would reply with one of the following:

“I love you AND I am still having some feelings about what happened.”
“Our relationship is important to me and I need some time to process this.”
“What happened isn’t working for me and I’m going to need time to process this.”

Notice that the statements use “I” and not “you” – it’s about you and they can’t become defensive if you’re talking about yourself here. You don’t want to get into a back and forth with them about what they did or didn’t do. Remember, this whole process about forgiveness is for you in the first place.

ISA Community Shout Out

Melinda Helfand Stankowski, Dena Newman Dial, Valerie McBain, Kim Hall, Lucy Egerton, Jennifer Bullock (www.mommybknowsbest.com), and Sarah from @sarieslittlemen

If you’d like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on FB, Facebook.com/isimplyam and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show.

Show Topic: What’s Better Than Happiness and How You Can Get it! <–Listen to the Podcast for the full show!

  • Today’s culture wants us to be happy all the time.
  • If we’re not happy something must be wrong.
  • We get to feel all our feelings.
  • When we minimize one feeling (i.e.; sadness, grief, frustration) we minimize other feelings (happy, joy, hope)
  • What’s better than happiness and how can you get it?
    • Feeling all your feelings
    • Letting your feelings be just what they are and not becoming them
    • Not chasing feelings – become addicted to “feeling good” and don’t know what to do when we don’t.

Weekly ISA Challenge: Tell The Truth

1. When someone asks you how you’re feeling, tell them the truth.
2. Don’t respond with “fine”, “ok” or “good”.
3. Instead let them know you’re feeling happy, excited, relaxed or sad, frustrated, or angry
4. Own your feelings and don’t let what others are going to think about your feelings stop you from being honest and having them.

It’s OK to not feel great all the time! If you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling when you’re uncomfortable you’ll get to experience the fullness of happiness and joy when they come around!

Nov 042013
 

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In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I break forgiveness down into two parts and share with you the real truth about what it is and what it’s not. If someone has ever hurt you in anyway then you really should listen to this episode. Below are the show notes for the episode.

ISA Community News:

  • Within the next month I’m going to start bringing on some great guests! I’ll likely bring on someone every other week but if you think I should have guests on more or less than that please let me know!
  • Check out the Terri Cole Radio Show on Hay House – Click Here for Terri’s Show!
  • Thank you to all that are listening. We’re now being listened to in more than 57 countries and even spent time in the iTunes Top 10 Self Help Podcast list!
  • I want to give a special thanks for the reviews on iTunes: Todd Adams, It’s Dahling, Open Table User, Will Stapleton, Dave Madow (check out Dave’s podcast)

ISA Community Appreciation

On this weeks show we gave appreciation to 3 ISA Facebook Members: Christopher Severance,  Cheyenne Christine Naegler, and David Madow.

If you’d like to get some Appreciation simply join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I’ll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show as well.

Show Topic: The Truth Behind Forgiveness 

  • When others ask for forgiveness it’s not about you, it’s about them.
  • Those that ask for forgiveness do so they can feel better about themselves.
  • They move on and you’re stuck with the pain they left you.
  • Even worse, it’s often shame that causes you to “forgive” them.
  • Leads to a shame-bind, feel ashamed for feeling hurt because you forgave them.
  • Forgiveness is not something you give, it’s something you get.
  • Forgiveness is the bi-product of healing.
  • When we go through the work of healing, forgiveness is the gift.
  • The gift is not for those that hurt us, the gift is that we can detach from the constricted feelings of pain.
  • You know when you have found forgiveness because you are no longer victim to the pain that was caused you.
  • Some traumas are so severe that we may never find forgiveness. It may be a struggle just to process the healing.

What Forgiveness is NOT

  • It’s not suggesting that what they did was acceptable. It was wrong then and it’s wrong now.
  • It’s not given to those that hurt us. It’s for us.
  • It’s not something that is given at will. It only comes as a result of healing.
  • It’s not something we should ever be shamed into doing.
  • While forgiveness is a goal, it’s not something we’re ever responsible for obtaining.

What Forgiveness IS

  • It’s a gift for those that suffered from the abuse of others (mental, spiritual, religious, emotional, physical, sexual).
  • It is a result of true inner healing.
  • It is something that comes naturally.
  • It is what allows you to fully embrace your wholeness and live a life of fullness and abundance.
  • It is the sign that you have returned to true inner peace.

Weekly ISA Challenge:A Path to Forgiveness

Step 1. Think of something that someone did to offend or hurt you. Don’t use any major traumas for this exercise.
Step 2. Acknowledge that the only thing that could have driven that person to hurt you was their own internal suffering.
Step 3. Affirm yourself with the following statement: “I AM and I have ALWAYS been Safe, Important, and Valuable EVEN WHEN others lash out with their own internal suffering.”
Step 4. Make a decision to not carry around the perpetrators anger, frustration, and shame any longer.

**If you like the Podcast then please give us a shout out on Twitter by visiting, www.isimply.am/love

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

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