Feb 242014
 

iStock_000001234951Small

Last week I auditioned for TEDx. If you hadn’t read that post or listened to episode 22 of The I Simply Am Podcast I highly encourage you to do so. In fact you probably should now as this episode is kind of a spoiler alert!

If you’re still reading I’m assuming you either read the last post or listened to last weeks podcast or you’re okay with finding out what the deal is all about! Well, the reason I’m even talking about rejection this week is because this is exactly what I had to face. Unfortunately, my topic was not a fit for the theme of this years TEDx in Monterey, CA.

As you can imagine I had some feelings about this but more importantly it was a tremendous learning experience for me. That’s exactly why I’m actually excited to be sharing this weeks podcast with you! If you’d like to listen in and find out all the details do so now! Otherwise, read on for the show notes…

In this weeks podcast I share with you 4 main themes that play into rejection and by the end you’ll see, as I have, that we simply can’t be rejected. You’ll also gain some practical tips for grappling with all those feelings and allow yourself to move forward with great drive!

Shame

Shame is a scary thing actually as it’s one of those evils that’s seemed to creep its way into our lives. Most of the time we don’t even realize it’s in our life which is what makes it so dangerous. For me, shame is any type of messaging we either tell ourselves or hear from something/someone outside of ourself that infers we are less than who we are. Thoughts of not good enough, not attractive enough, not intelligent enough, and not lovable enough are all examples of shame. Of course, when we’re in situations where we think we’re rejected those thoughts can easily creep into our head.

I’ve been at this personal development stuff for some time now and those thoughts still pop up into my head. In fact, they did after I found out that I wouldn’t be talking at TEDx. The difference is that I know where those thoughts came from, I know they’re simply not true, and they lasted about 2 seconds before I kicked them to the curb.

The fact that my topic didn’t line up exactly as TEDx would have liked it for this years theme has NOTHING to do with the power of my message, my ability to present it, or whether or not I’m good enough to be even writing this post or doing the podcast. Shame is NEVER right and when these messages creep into your head, especially after rejection shows up, it’s a queue to know it’s total bull!

Emotional Loss

An interesting emotion came up for me after I received word about TEDx. It was a feeling of loss and emptiness. Is that shame again showing up not only in my thoughts but my feelings too? You’re darn right it is! How do I know? Because, how can I feel loss for something I never had? It’s not like I was invited to speak at TEDx and then they suddenly took it away. Even if that was the case, it was still nothing I had as it hadn’t happened.

Furthermore, I’m whole…I was born whole and I’m still whole. Any feeling of emptiness is obviously shames way of keeping me down and that’s just not going to work for me. We all know our thoughts can try and wreak havoc on our success in life and this common feeling during rejection is yet another tricky way shame tries to get in our way.

Remember, you create your own feelings which means two things. First, they can never become bigger than you (it’s in your head) and two, you are not defined by them. You were all of the wonderful qualities you are today before you even had your first feelings.

Unrejectable (yes, I know this isn’t a word)

You can’t reject me, you can only reject what I do, and I am not what I do. [TWEET THIS]

Remember that shame thing I was just talking about? Yea, well when we were little someone or something did a darn good job of convincing us we were something other than who we really are. That’s the power of shame. If we couldn’t know that we were enough simply by waking up in the morning we had to find all kinds of ways to define ourselves.

We turned to what we do to define who we were. We looked for job titles, college degrees, awards, acknowledgements, winning, being the best at, doing it faster, making more money, buying “nicer” things, and the list goes on and on. We’ve literally turned from Human Beings into Human Doings.

If we can acknowledge that shame has convinced us we need to turn to the outside to define who we are then we can also acknowledge that the truth is that we are not defined by those things. It means we are not products of what we do just like we’re not products of what we think or even feel. That is why you can’t be rejected. You’re unrejectable!

Attention on Intention

If I placed all my focus on the outcome, as we often do, then I would be in big trouble! In other words, if my focus was only on making it to TEDx then I’d be done at this point. If I bought into the fact that my topic wasn’t picked and shame quickly followed then I’d quit.

But my attention is on my intention and not the outcome. That means I get to focus on my intention of sharing my message with the world knowing that might be in the form of a TED talk or in a million other forms. Because I’m not focused (only) on the outcome I’m allowing for my intention to manifest in limitless ways. I may not know what the outcome is supposed to look like and that’s okay because my focus is on my intention.

It also allows me to continue moving forward because again, outcome is just a small factor in my drive.

Surrender to expectations and let intention guide you! [TWEET THIS]

And guess what? Because I am placing my attention on my intention I can celebrate that in fact I did exactly what I set out to do! No, it might not have looked like I thought it would (outcome) but I definitely succeeded at manifesting my intention. How? TED is all about sharing ideas and I shared my idea with 25 other people during that audition. I did it!

So the next time you think you’re being rejected see how fast shame shows up, check yourself when you start confusing who you are with what you think and feel and remember you are unrejectable!!

ISA Weekly Challenge

1. Notice this week when rejection shows up. It may be a boss rejecting your idea or even something as simple as a spouse not liking your idea about the way you want something. Rejection shows up in all forms not just those big events.

2. Remind yourself what your intention is. What’s your cause, your mission…allow yourself to consider that the outcome may be even greater than you originally thought.

3. Affirm that you can’t be rejected because you are not what you do! This is a hard one but with constant reminders it will ring true.

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 212014
 

Commitment

I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve gotten myself signed up for something or committed to something that I had no business being involved in. Whether it was just not the right fit for me or it involved money I didn’t have, too many times I wound up getting myself screwed, and not in the good way.

Yes, a lot of that evolves from not being able to say No which I talked about before and will certainly continue to do so. Saying No can be a hard thing for so many of us and it’s something I’m still practicing. But what if there was something we could do before we even get to that No? Something we could do before we even commit to that thing we shouldn’t be committing to?

A couple of weeks ago I was on Facebook and a friend of mine posted that her friend just did a TEDx talk. This totally caught my eye because I was only a week away from auditioning myself. I took the opportunity to introduce myself to this woman and we exchanged some Facebook comments with each other. That exchange led to “friending” each other and that led to a couple of emails and then a phone call.

We spent a half hour on the phone and she gave me some wonderful advice on how to prepare for the TEDx audition I had. While that was extremely generous and sweet of her it wasn’t completely unusual for me. In other words, just a day later I spoke to another person on the phone for 2 hours (whom I just met on Facebook) and she also gave equally amazing advice. In fact, meeting people online isn’t that unusual for me and many of them have helped me as much as I’ve helped them! A nice exchange of loving energy, all supporting each other with similar goals!

Only this communication with the woman who gave the TEDx Talk was a little different. Her emails were extremely formal, much more so than anyone else I had been talking to. When she sent me another email stating, “As a coach, I make a habit of inviting people who are up to inspiring things to sit with me…and you fit the bill.”. It was really hard for me to read whether she wanted to help me out because she thinks I’m a great guy in a “pay it forward” kind of way or if this was a passive solicitation to coach me for payment.

Because I respected and valued her opinion I was just going to tell her that I wanted to talk without further questioning. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I could be signing up for something I’m either A. not interested/ready for or B. can’t or don’t want to afford at this time. I knew I didn’t want to put myself in a position of having to say No (if I didn’t have to) or even worse wind up in some sort of ongoing financial obligation and commitment to be “working” with her.

So, what did I do to ensure I knew what I was getting myself into? What did I do to make sure that I could make a decision before the decision was made for me? What did I do to make sure that I wasn’t going to be paying for something I didn’t want, need or could afford?

Drum roll please…I ASKED!!!!!

I actually just decided I needed to be honest with her! I know….be honest…crazy, huh? So I wrote her back letting her know that her emails seemed formal (to me <–note, this in an important distinction as my language showed that it was my perception and not that the rest of the world thinks her emails are formal!) and I was unclear what type of relationship this was. Note: this is also a great way to test how good someone else’s boundaries are. She could have come back very defensive but she didn’t at all. It was clear she had good boundaries, understood that this was “my perception” and that I had a right to ask.

If you’re ever going to work with a coach or even a therapist I highly recommend getting keen on how good their boundaries are. The last thing you need when looking for support from someone else is someone that doesn’t have good boundaries themselves.

Back to the story…she actually let me know that this wasn’t a business proposition and that it was a conversation just to see if she could help and if it made sense to talk about moving that further in a professional way. I really appreciated her response and even more importantly I’m proud of myself for being honest, for being open, and for laying it out there. By doing so, I was able to squash any future awkward moments or put myself in a bad position.

So many of us struggle with commitments. How many times have you heard, “let’s get together soon” or even “let’s get together next Tuesday” or “I’ll email you!” and never hear from that person again for weeks or months? This happens to me all the time and the problem is that the issue just gets perpetually worse. Those people that are non-committal then feel shame for “missing the commitment” and then don’t reach out for even longer periods of time. Ever have someone who bailed on plans with you only to not hear from them for weeks or months? Yup, hello Shame!! We can’t control what other people do but we can clearly control what we do.

So I invite you to try this out yourself! The next time you’re in a position where there is uncertainty or confusion open up, be honest, and ask! It might feel scary at first but it will save you so much agony down the road! What things do you do to ensure you’re not committing to something inappropriately? I want to hear so let me know in the comments of this post!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 172014
 

ISA22_Pic

This past weekend I auditioned for TEDx Monterey. What is TEDx you ask?

TED (Technology Entertainment Design) is a global set of conferences owned by the private non-profit Sapling Foundation, under the slogan “ideas worth spreading”. TED was founded in 1984 as a one-off event. The annual conference began in 1990, in my current hometown of Monterey, California. TEDx was created in the spirit of TED’s mission, “ideas worth spreading.” The program is designed to give communities, organizations and individuals the opportunity to stimulate dialogue through TED-like experiences at the local level.

Listen to this weeks podcast where I share how I got to audition, what the audition was like, and most importantly why I think you should audition too! In this weeks podcast I give you 10 compelling reasons why you should audition even if you never have any intention on actually presenting!

10 Reasons I think you should audition for TEDx

1. Fear isn’t the problem in our lives. Fear is simply a feeling and “oh by the way?” we’re the ones who create it! So, we shouldn’t hate it or judge it as much as we might do. Instead, we should focus on our response to fear. Auditioning for something like TEDx, even if you have no intention on really becoming a speaker, is one way to practice. The goal here is to practice challenging our past response to fear. Our response to fear probably hasn’t been working for you has it? The only way to get comfortable responding differently is by practicing.

2. Stimulate that creative muscle of yours! TED is all about spreading ideas and I can only imagine how many amazing ideas you have! One of the best ways to cultivate more ideas is to get creative! So go out and do something creative. You’ll not only be stimulating that creativity muscle but you’ll be amazed at how many ideas you can foster! You might even come up with a solution to a current problem you have. Often times I wind up solving problems to other things in my life when I shift focus like that!

3. So many of us, myself included, question whether or not we’re an expert on anything or “good enough” to present something to a group of others. TEDx is about spreading ideas. Everyone has ideas right? Trust me, my 4 and 5 year old have plenty of ideas and I’m sure you have many of your own. Presenting at TEDx doesn’t mean you have the cure for Cancer, it just means you’re curious about something and have some thoughts on how you might want to respond to it. Auditioning for TEDx provides some solid proof that you are an expert, an expert idea maker!

4. You might share similar ideas as others. In fact, I’ve thought to myself that I shouldn’t share something because a million other people already have. The truth is nobody else can share that idea just like you. You are unique and a one-of-a-kind. In the history of the Universe there has never been another you and there never will be again. Are you going to prevent the one and only you from being heard?

5. You’ll meet some amazing people in your community. Because TEDx is a locally organized event it means that the majority of the speakers will all live near you. I was amazed at the number of inspiring, creative, and intelligent people that live in my Community. In fact, there was a friend of mine I saw in the audience during my audition. It turns out he was there with his wife who was also auditioning. I learned something new about him and his wife and I wouldn’t have known otherwise. The speaker that went after me was an Olympic Gold Medalist!

6. We thrive in community yet most of our life we’re taught that we’re supposed to do things alone. When I was getting ready for my audition I reached out to many people. I reached out to some for advice and others to give me feedback. It was great to be among the company of others and auditioning allowed me to share in the joy, creativity, and spirit of others who wanted to see me succeed.

7. It’s not too often we get to slap shame in the face. About 5 years ago if I would have attempted something like this there’s no way I would have told anyone about the audition until after I had already found out I was picked! If I wasn’t picked I wouldn’t have said a peep to anyone about it. I know now that my self worth and the value of my message has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not I make the cut. So I told everyone (including you now) that I auditioned in the face of the fact that I may very well not be selected. This is a great opportunity to slap shame in the face sit in my own truth.

8. Doing something like this is a wonderful example to set for your children (or other family members). My children are 4 and 5 years old so they don’t quite realize what I’m doing. However, this is great for any of our youth to see as it shows that literally anybody can pursue their dreams. Just auditioning is a huge deal and a wonderful example to set for the youth in your life.

9. I talk a lot about focusing on intention and surrendering to outcome/expectation. Most of us live our lives the other way around though. We’re fixated on the outcome and won’t stop at anything to ensure that we get it. Even if it means shifting our initial intention. The reality is when we focus on our intention and surrender to outcome we open the door to a world of possibility. For me, my intention is to share my message. Even if I don’t make the cut for TEDx it doesn’t mean that bigger things aren’t right around the corner. Bigger things are around the corner for you too!

10. The practice of Rejection or not: You’ll win either way because if you get picked you’ll have an opportunity to share your amazing idea with the world. If you don’t get picked you’ll have the opportunity to affirm what an amazing person you are in the face of not getting picked. Remember, who you are has nothing to do with someone else accepting or rejecting anything you do.

ISA Weekly Challenge

1. Do something creative and start cultivating those ideas
2. Sign up for a local TEDx audition
3. Practice, practice, practice
4. Go Audition!

BUT WAIT!!!!….

What if you agree with all of my reasons for doing this but you either refuse to audition or there isn’t a TEDx near you? That’s okay. Look, I want everyone to benefit from the message and the exercise here. It’s not about “TEDx” per se but rather stepping out of our comfort zone. Many local communities host contests for “Best photo” or dance/singing contests, etc. This is about stepping out of our comfort zone to benefit from the list of 10 I have above! Of course public speaking is one area of discomfort for so many of us and TEDx is an amazing conference that’s global which is mainly why I focused on that. So, please don’t let the “TEDx” thing be the reason you don’t join me!

Finally, I’ll know in about a week or so if I get picked to speak at the TEDx Monterey this April. I’ll certainly let you all know either way. Whatever happens, it’s been an amazing experience and I’m truly just proud of myself for going through with it. In many ways making the actual talk is irrelevant as I am living my intention and for me that’s what life is all about!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 122014
 

Valentine_Post

Likely you fall into 3 camps when it comes to Valentine’s Day. You’re either in a relationship with someone and feel pressure to make it a great day, you are in a relationship with someone and don’t need February 14th to matter, or you’re single.

No matter which camp you fall into there is at the minimum, annoyance from the moment you wake up and at most a sea of stress trying to do everything just right! Of course, retail stores are pushing on the guilt to make sure that you get just the right thing for your Valentine.

For many of us the whole day is spent figuring out what to do for that special someone and whether or not they’re going to like what you get them or where you take them. Of course, we all know that none of that matters and yet every year it seems to be the same thing all over again.

No matter if you’re in a relationship or happen to be single this Valentine’s Day there is one person who’s likely getting left out and that person is you! With all your focus on that special someone or on the fact that you may not be with “the one” right now, you’re left in the dark. Perhaps Valentine’s Day can also be a celebration of the love you have for yourself?

Have you not given yourself permission to love yourself? Well, then maybe right now is the perfect time! There’s two distinct benefits of loving yourself this Valentine’s Day. First, you’ll make sure you’re not shortchanged and second, it doesn’t require you to have a significant other.

I happen to be married with children and aside from showering them with love this Valentine’s Day I’m going to try something new. I’m also going to love myself! I do my best to do this everyday but honestly some days I’m just not that great at it. So here’s an invitation to myself and to you to love ourselves this Friday, February 14th. Will you join me? I promise if you do, it will be the best Valentine’s Day ever!

1. WAKE UP WITH A MORNING ROUTINE

I have to admit that this is one area I definitely struggle with but what better day to get back into practice then on Valentine’s Day. How we start the day makes a big impact on whether or not we’re going to bring forth the energy, spirit, and drive we want. Waking up with a glass of water bedside makes it easy for replenishing fluids in you right away. But before you grab that glass perhaps now’s a good time to lay still with your eyes closed and practice some mindful breaths. Whatever your routine might be set one that includes some loving self care to start your day!

2. WRITE A LETTER OF GRATITUDE

I loved the pages idea that came from Julia Cameron in her book, “The Artist’s Way”. While writing pages can be a great way to start your day so too can a beautiful letter of gratitude. But since today is Valentine’s Day let’s not focus on all the things “out there” that you’re grateful for. Instead write a letter to yourself appreciating all the wonderful qualities that are you! Even if it’s difficult or you wince at some of it, that’s okay. You don’t have to fully believe it for it to be true but starting with some loving appreciation about who you truly are is a very loving act.

3. DO SOMETHING CREATIVE

There’s so much to be said for creativity. One of the special things about doing something creative is that we truly get lost in ourselves when we’re doing it. There’s so much love going on because in those moments we just allow and accept ourselves to be who we are. So find some way to be creative today. Whether you want to paint something, draw something or simply color a page in one of your kids coloring books. Give yourself 20 minutes to an hour to just go crazy creative. You won’t be disappointed! 

4. SAY NO, UNLESS YOU MEAN YES

This is a hard one and it can take more than one day to get this one down. Yet, what better day to show up for yourself than today, right? So when someone asks you for a favor or for you to do something today don’t answer right away! Nope, take a deep breath and a pause to give you time to consider. If it doesn’t feel right to you or you think you’re going to have trouble committing due to your schedule (remember, you have to make time to be creative today!) then say, “No”.

On the other hand, if you truly want to help out and it’s appropriate (check in with your heart, you know what you want) then say, “Yes”. The most important part of saying, “Yes” is actually following through. So today, stay the committed person you are and follow through when you say, Yes!

5. TUCK YOURSELF INTO BED

This is a sweet and gentle way of loving yourself and definitely at the end of a loving day. So like your morning routine, get yourself set up for bed. Give yourself a good 20 minutes to relax into bed before you plan to actually fall asleep. This might mean getting ready to sleep earlier than normal.

Consider bringing a small glass of water with you, perhaps a book, and maybe even some essential oils. Take your time getting into bed and notice every little step in the process. Pay careful attention to pulling the sheets and blankets up and over you and be very gentle with every move you make. The idea is to create a soft and gentle landing for you as you end a day of self love and care and rest before you start your weekend!

I hope these 5 tips will help make your Valentine’s Day all that more special whether you’re sharing it with someone else or not. Self love should happen every day but if it’s something you’re still working on, like me, then why not start now!? I’d love to hear from you so in the comments of this post let me know what things you plan on doing this Valentine’s Day to practice some self love.

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 102014
 

label with Thank you!

If you’ve been following my blog or podcast for some time then you probably know how much I align with David Richo’s “5 A’s” (Acceptance, Allowance, Affection, Appreciation, Attention). In fact, it’s the basis of my first eBook and very much attuned to how I love my life.

If this is a new concept to you then you really should get your free copy of my eBook now. The short and sweet is that these “5 A’s” are how we give and receive love. They are literally the actionable exchanges that occur between two people whenever love is present.

It’s important to note this because too often we are receiving the love we need from others without even realizing it. It becomes even more damaging for those of us who struggle with loving ourselves. If we already struggle with loving ourselves and then don’t acknowledge when others are loving us where does this leave us?

In this podcast I talk about one way that so many of us (yours truly, included) miss out on receiving love without even knowing it. Do you remember the last time someone directly or indirectly thanked you? It’s likely it even happened today. It doesn’t even have to be a long drawn out “thank you” but perhaps you held the door for someone and it happened then.

If you’re having a hard time remembering the last time it’s likely because you’re not even noticing it. In fact, I’d venture to say that the last time someone did thank you you either replied with a “oh, no problem” or a “you don’t need to thank me”. I say this because I’ve been a victim of the same thing. People would thank me for a myriad of favors I did and I either didn’t hear the thank you or I would put it off as being no big deal or I might even thank them right back!

Other Person: “Thank you!”

Me: “No, Thank you!”

I couldn’t even accept a thank you! I had to give it right back to them! No, this isn’t the beginning of a Seinfeld show, although I could totally see Jerry going off on a tangent about the “thank you’s” not being accepted as they should. Which brings me to my point.

When other people thank us a lot of love is going on! They are giving us attention, acceptance, and appreciation. That’s at least 3 out of those “5 A’s” I was talking about earlier! Yet, many of us will still complain that we don’t get the attention, acceptance, or appreciation we so need and deserve.

So what I’m inviting you to do (as well as myself) is to take in that love! Take in those “thank you’s”. The next time someone thanks you for something, no matter how big or small, do not say anything in return. Yes, you can say, “You’re welcome” but leave it at that. Then take all that attention, acceptance, and appreciation in and remind yourself that you are loved.

Most of our day is spent hearing stories in our own head about how we’re not enough, we’re too fat, we’re too ugly, or not smart enough. The only way to contradict this negative (and worse than negative), untrue self talk is to start telling ourselves things that are true! I am appreciated and I am loved are just two true stories you can tell yourself and they’re both based off of a simple thank you. I promise this will truly make a difference in your life!

Now, to listen to much more and find out how this has made a huge impact in how I give thank you to others listen to this weeks podcast! For those looking to improve their relationships then you’re going to want to listen because it involves a new way of communicating with my wife.

In the show you’ll hear this weeks ISA Challenge:

1. Listen carefully for the next Thank You that someone offers you.

2. Say, “You are welcome” and nothing more!

3. Take it in and remind yourself that you are good, you are lovable, and that you do matter.

Renewing our self esteem and becoming the best version of who we are doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen by taking simple and clear steps every day that remind ourselves about what is true in our world!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 062014
 

iStock_000001234951Small

By the time I was 17, my girlfriend and I had been dating for a couple of years. She was my first true love and we had many firsts together. Of course in my 17-year old mind I thought we could be married one day. She was about a year older than me and graduated high school. I remember taking her to the University of Maryland where should would start college. Not long after, she broke up with me. I remember feeling so rejected and wondering what I had done wrong. What was it about me?

I can’t tell you how many jobs I applied for over the years. Even though I had the experience, in many cases, and felt really good about the interview I had my fair share of rejections. In every case I walked away wondering, what was it about me?

So many rejections in my life to be honest sometimes it’s even hard just pinpointing one! In fact, it got to be so common place that I would reject myself before even going for whatever it is I wanted. There’s only so many times you can ask yourself, what is it about me that they don’t want me?

Pretty soon I got smart and learned that I didn’t need to get rejected anymore so I would simply not go the distance. It was made loud and clear that I was lacking so I’d save myself the emotional turmoil of thinking I was rejected.

But that wasn’t serving me well…

The real problem with thinking you are rejected is not the thought of rejection. The real problem is the underlying feeling we all feel as a result. That feeling is called shame and it shows up in the answer we give to that question, what is it about me? Usually the answer looks like, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not attractive enough, and on and on…

The truth of the matter is that we are all attractive enough, we are all smart enough, and we are all intelligent enough. Those things are what we wake up in the morning with. We don’t have to have others accept us in order for those things to be true. Therefore, even when others don’t accept us it doesn’t make us any less enough.

So, how do we prevent the self shame and the negative stories we answer that question with? The key is to ask a different question! Instead of asking, what is it about me, ask the question, what is it about them? After all, what others think of us is none of our business and if they think we aren’t acceptable as we are then it says everything about them and nothing about us. Yes, I do realize this is a very hard concept to grasp. That’s why the simplest and most effective way to stop rejection is to change your question!

So the next time you are turned down for the job offer or given a pass for a date or asked to step down from a seat on a committee you held, ask the question, what is it about them? There is nothing wrong with you so their decision was purely based on something about them!

When we allow others to fully express who they are, however that might look for us, it allows us to affirm our own goodness in spite of anything they may say or do to us. You, my friend cannot be rejected you can only feel the shame that comes along with it. The good news? With this simple tip, you no longer have to suffer from that shame and can start living a life you want based on what’s true. You are enough!

Do you have any tips you can share when faced with rejection? Share them in the comments of this post!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Feb 032014
 

Road Trippin'

Last week I was feeling in a bit of a “funk”. So much so that I knew I needed to do something about it. I came up with 5 different ways I could get out of it. It took me doing all 5 of them but eventually it worked! To find out exactly what I did you can listen to last weeks podcast!

While I don’t get in a “funk” all that often I can find myself stuck on Facebook, surfing the web, or even reading great content from people I admire. These things aren’t bad in and of themselves and in fact I learn a lot from doing each of them. The problem is when I find myself spending more time doing those things and not enough time doing things that will get me closer to where I want to be in life. I wrote this post on Facebook last week…

1 Josh Becker

This has been a theme with me lately. In fact I had a friend of mine share his frustration with his lack of time management. He wasn’t able to say, No, and when he said, Yes, it was hard for him to commit. I shared with him a technique I have for keeping lists using a very cool system called, Bullet Journal. It allows me to really keep track of where I’m spending my time and to ensure I’m keeping on track for accomplishing the things I want to do in life. Of course, you have to do more than just write down your intentions you also have to act on them! This morning I posted this to Facebook and it got me thinking…

20cb23257687bb7375569ff825c91d65

I don’t and certainly shouldn’t spend all my time either creating or consuming. There’s a missing “c” to this equation and that’s cultivating. It led me to create what I’m referring to the “3c Framework for a Fulfilling Life.” So what exactly does this mean and how does it look? Let’s break it down some more…

The framework assumes we can break down our time into 3 separate and distinct (although, sometimes overlapping) categories. Consumption refers to information, entertainment, and material possessions. Create refers to anything that we produce. Art, blogs, podcasts, books, websites, products, and anything else we might make. Finally, and this was the piece I was overlooking in my Facebook post, we have Cultivation. We cultivate relationships with others, the relationship with ourself, our physical, mental, and spiritual health, as well as the physical world around us (volunteering, charity, recycling, etc.).

For most of us, myself very much included, we have times in our lives where all 3C’s are at play but they are off balance. When I was in my funk last week I was doing a great job of consuming (websites, Facebook, etc) but spent little time in creating and even less time in cultivating. My balance was totally off and this probably explains why I was in a funk and/or at least what contributed to it.

It seems to me that the correct ratio and proportion of each C to the next might vary slightly per individual, and depending on where you are in your life. Take for example the last couple months of 2013. I was caring for my mom who was on in-home hospice. During this period of my life I was was into the cultivating area (nurturing my mother’s health, and bonding with her and other family) but did very little creating and consumption. Different times will call for different flows in and out of each of these areas. However, to get us all moving in the right direction and towards a fulfilling life let’s look at what this should generally break out to. Keep in mind that this may vary slightly for you but here’s what seems to be the right mix.

It seems to me that under “normal” (figure out what normal is for you) circumstances we should be spending 40% of our time in Creating, 40% of our time in Cultivating, and 20% of our time in Consuming. Again, this is a general guideline and seems to be what works for me. So what exactly do each of the 3C’s represent?

Listen to the podcast to find out exactly how we break this out and why you should consider the “3C Framework” as your next step to living a fulfilling life! This isn’t a one man show either! Well it kind of is but the point I’m making is that this is just my opinion. I want to hear from you so please comment on this post and let me know your thoughts!

ISA Weekly Challenge

I believe in real practical tools that allow us all to live a more fulfilling life. This is exactly why I give you a weekly challenge on each podcast. I also don’t want to make them so overwhelming that you won’t do them. And as I always say, this is about progress not perfection. So with that, I want to leave you with a simple yet powerful challenge for this week. Every day this week and before you go to bed I want you to think about where most of your time went. Were Create and Cultivate pretty evenly distributed among your day? Did you spend the remaining, and smaller amount of time, in Consumption? Perhaps this wasn’t the case and maybe that’s because you’re in a big research phase of your life or because you’re caring for a member of your family. Perhaps you’re launching a new product in a couple of weeks and all your time is in Create. Wherever your time may be going the point of this weeks challenge is to simply become aware. As you all know, the first step to any change is awareness.

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

 

 

 

 

Loading...
Get your FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge eBook!