Today, I am going to answer a listener’s question and then I’m going to talk about why there are no bad people. Specifically I’m going to show you the benefits of seeing the good in others and how to do it.
Adrian Toro wrote in to ask: What is good pride? What is bad pride? When is pride healthy and when does it weigh us down? When we’re prideful are we walking away from resolving our issues? Are we disguising our prideful emotions by telling ourselves we deserve better?
I’m going to do my best to answer his questions this way:
For the purposes of this conversation there are two types of pride. There is pride of the ego (arrogance) and pride of the true self (love). So what exactly do I mean by pride of the ego? Well, our ego shows up when we forget who we are. Our ego has good intentions but unfortunately it’s even more confused than we are.
Our ego doesn’t know any better (poor little ego) so it tells us that who we are is wrapped up in everything external to us. It leads us to believe that what we buy, we what own, what we achieve, what money we make, what positions we have, what friends we have, and even what we look like determines our value. So, we sometimes carry this false sense of pride, the ego pride, as a means to either convince ourselves that we’re enough based on all these things or because someone has challenged us.
Ego Pride is usually expressed outwardly and often comes across as arrogance and/or bragging. You’ll know if the pride you feel is ego pride if you express it and then feel a little empty or not whole afterwards. Usually that expression of pride is more about proving to others that you are valuable and enough and less about actually celebrating that you just are enough.
On the contrary, pride of the true self is natural, not boastful and leaves one feeling fulfilled. There’s a lot to be proud about when it comes to our true self! After all, each of us is intelligent, beautiful, thoughtful, valuable, whole, and enough. That’s a lot to be proud about.
Pride of the true self never has a compare function in the equation. It’s never about being better than or less than anyone else. Pride of the true self is about appreciating what is true and never changing – who we really are.
I go into more detail in the podcast so please click here to listen now!
Why There Are No Bad People and How To See The Good In Others
“Bad” is a judgement used to describe characteristics of something that changes. You do not change therefore you literally can’t be judged. What I’m talking about is that non-changing constant part of you. Yes, there are parts of you that change like your hair, your skin, your fitness, your health, your personality, etc. If you took the 10-year old version of you as compared to today (assuming you’re now older than 17) every cell in your body would literally have changed. Yet, you are still the same you, right? Well, that’s the non-changing part of you that I’m talking about. That is the part that cannot be judged as it simply is what it is.
The same non-changing core of you (call it your soul, spirit, inherent nature…whatever) is the same non-changing one in everyone else you see. Anything covering that up is the cause of built up scarring from abuse, trauma, pain, hurt, lies, and fear. So, when we take this approach we can begin to see people for who they truly are and not for who they want us to believe they are.
We see others as a reflection of how we see ourselves. It’s very hard to see that authentic self of another if we’re not aware of our own authentic self (that non-changing part of us). So we our ability to see others is limited by how much of ourselves we’re able to see. The more you become aware of that internal goodness, wholeness, enoughness in you the more aware you’ll become of that goodness, wholeness and enoughness in others.
When we see what’s true about others we come from a place of non-judgement, we are self-secure, we allow ourselves to be open to who others are, not how they want us to see them, and we can learn so much more about who they are. When people are not aware of their true self they were masks to disguise themselves. With that mask on they may look like they have the best life in the world or they may look like they have the worst life in the world. In both cases, they are covering up their true self because they just aren’t aware of what that is. But you have a choice whether you want to see them as their mask or as their true self.
If we accept (refer to last weeks podcast) we can see that (who we are) we are not what we think, what we feel, or what we do. So, if we are not what we do, if our true self can’t be judged, and given everything else we just discussed then it must mean only one thing. There are no bad people only good people that do bad things. And if we accept this as being true and we can appreciate why seeing others as “bad” is actually harmful for both them and us then we can take steps to change that.
How do we see the good in others?
1. Separate what they do, think or say, from who they are (good people do bad things).
2. Look for things in people you may have judged in the past and instead focus on what is true about them.
3. Accept the goodness in you so that you can accept the goodness in others and vice versa.
If there’s one thing I can promise you it’s this. The more you start accepting yourself for who you truly are, the more you’ll start accepting everyone else for who they truly are. And when that acceptance turns into allowance (meaning you’re going to allow yourself and others to be that truth) miracles will happen.
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