Apr 142014
 

ISA30 

Today, I am going to answer a listener’s question and then I’m going to talk about why there are no bad people. Specifically I’m going to show you the benefits of seeing the good in others and how to do it.

Adrian Toro wrote in to ask: What is good pride? What is bad pride? When is pride healthy and when does it weigh us down? When we’re prideful are we walking away from resolving our issues? Are we disguising our prideful emotions by telling ourselves we deserve better?

I’m going to do my best to answer his questions this way:

For the purposes of this conversation there are two types of pride. There is pride of the ego (arrogance) and pride of the true self (love). So what exactly do I mean by pride of the ego? Well, our ego shows up when we forget who we are. Our ego has good intentions but unfortunately it’s even more confused than we are.

Our ego doesn’t know any better (poor little ego) so it tells us that who we are is wrapped up in everything external to us. It leads us to believe that what we buy, we what own, what we achieve, what money we make, what positions we have, what friends we have, and even what we look like determines our value. So, we sometimes carry this false sense of pride, the ego pride, as a means to either convince ourselves that we’re enough based on all these things or because someone has challenged us.

Ego Pride is usually expressed outwardly and often comes across as arrogance and/or bragging. You’ll know if the pride you feel is ego pride if you express it and then feel a little empty or not whole afterwards. Usually that expression of pride is more about proving to others that you are valuable and enough and less about actually celebrating that you just are enough.

On the contrary, pride of the true self is natural, not boastful and leaves one feeling fulfilled. There’s a lot to be proud about when it comes to our true self! After all, each of us is intelligent, beautiful, thoughtful, valuable, whole, and enough. That’s a lot to be proud about.

Pride of the true self never has a compare function in the equation. It’s never about being better than or less than anyone else. Pride of the true self is about appreciating what is true and never changing – who we really are.

I go into more detail in the podcast so please click here to listen now!

Why There Are No Bad People and How To See The Good In Others

“Bad” is a judgement used to describe characteristics of something that changes. You do not change therefore you literally can’t be judged. What I’m talking about is that non-changing constant part of you. Yes, there are parts of you that change like your hair, your skin, your fitness, your health, your personality, etc. If you took the 10-year old version of you as compared to today (assuming you’re now older than 17) every cell in your body would literally have changed. Yet, you are still the same you, right? Well, that’s the non-changing part of you that I’m talking about. That is the part that cannot be judged as it simply is what it is.

The same non-changing core of you (call it your soul, spirit, inherent nature…whatever) is the same non-changing one in everyone else you see. Anything covering that up is the cause of built up scarring from abuse, trauma, pain, hurt, lies, and fear. So, when we take this approach we can begin to see people for who they truly are and not for who they want us to believe they are.

We see others as a reflection of how we see ourselves. It’s very hard to see that authentic self of another if we’re not aware of our own authentic self (that non-changing part of us). So we our ability to see others is limited by how much of ourselves we’re able to see. The more you become aware of that internal goodness, wholeness, enoughness in you the more aware you’ll become of that goodness, wholeness and enoughness in others.

When we see what’s true about others we come from a place of non-judgement, we are self-secure, we allow ourselves to be open to who others are, not how they want us to see them, and we can learn so much more about who they are. When people are not aware of their true self they were masks to disguise themselves. With that mask on they may look like they have the best life in the world or they may look like they have the worst life in the world. In both cases, they are covering up their true self because they just aren’t aware of what that is. But you have a choice whether you want to see them as their mask or as their true self.

If we accept (refer to last weeks podcast) we can see that (who we are) we are not what we think, what we feel, or what we do. So, if we are not what we do, if our true self can’t be judged, and given everything else we just discussed then it must mean only one thing. There are no bad people only good people that do bad things. And if we accept this as being true and we can appreciate why seeing others as “bad” is actually harmful for both them and us then we can take steps to change that.

How do we see the good in others?

1. Separate what they do, think or say, from who they are (good people do bad things).
2. Look for things in people you may have judged in the past and instead focus on what is true about them.
3. Accept the goodness in you so that you can accept the goodness in others and vice versa.

If there’s one thing I can promise you it’s this. The more you start accepting yourself for who you truly are, the more you’ll start accepting everyone else for who they truly are. And when that acceptance turns into allowance (meaning you’re going to allow yourself and others to be that truth) miracles will happen.

I would be so grateful to you if you left me a written review on iTunes. Simply click here and click on the “view in iTunes” button, then the “ratings and review” tab and “write a review”. It will help the show be noticed by other like-minded individuals.

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

Apr 072014
 

ISA29_Single_Most_Important_Thing 

In this weeks episode I share the single most important thing you need to know! So what’s this all about? Well, in this episode I thought it was important to share what I consider to be the fundamentals and the foundation of self-awareness. Why is this important?

Well we all want to be happy, right? We all want to have the opportunity to find our purpose in life and live out our passions. We want to love and be loved by others and we want to know that at the end of our lives we’ve made a difference in this world. Did I sum that up pretty well? I know this holds true for me and I can imagine that’s true for you as well. So how come we have so much trouble doing this?

Often times we point back to not having enough Self Love. The easy way to know that is by looking at the opposite effect which is self hatred. If you hate yourself you’re not going to be happy, you likely have no idea what your purpose is – in fact, you probably think  (incorrectly so) that there isn’t a purpose for you, there probably aren’t a lot of healthy and loving relationships and it’s going to be really hard to contribute to the world as you were intended.

If we know that self hatred leads down a dark path that many of us are and have experienced – by the way I certainly have most of my life – then self love must take us down the other path. I think that’s pretty clear and I haven’t heard too many people make the argument for hating yourself to reach enlightenment.

The problem is you can’t just start loving yourself. In fact, before you love yourself there’s actually one additional element and that is the foundation of all of this and all of life (well your life anyway). That foundation is called Self Awareness. You can’t love yourself if you have no idea who the heck you are, right? In fact, this is probably the most common question asked among all age groups, genders, cultures, ethnicities, races, religions, etc. More specifically the question, “Who Am I?”. This is exactly why I created this podcast to help answer that question. And to answer that question we need to understand who we are.

I love talking about the topic and in fact if I had to present somewhere (hint, hint…if you’re looking for a speaker EMAIL ME!) it would definitely be about this or at least incorporate this.

The one thing that you probably don’t tell yourself that you should start is this…

“I am NOT what I think, what I feel, or what I do.”

So what does that mean exactly? Well, first you should be listening to the podcast. I go into much more detail on the show and I really think you’re going to benefit by hearing my thoughts on this as this post will quickly turn into a book! Hey, there’s an idea! 😉

Let me give you the quick version though and then when you have 40 minutes you’re washing dishes, exercising, driving, or running errands go listen to the podcast.

I am not what I think.

So why is this true? Well, your thoughts if they are anything like mine are all over the place. From fantasies to day dreaming to thinking about worst case scenario to telling ourselves we aren’t good enough. Our thoughts leave our brains just as quickly as they come in. How could who we are be based on something that just flies in and out and changes from one second to the next?

More importantly, if you stop long enough you’ll notice that there are actual gaps in between our thoughts. True, it might be a fraction of a nano-second but there are gaps in between our thoughts. A brief period of time where we literally aren’t having a thought. In those moments, you still exist, right? Of course you do! It’s not like if you can meditate and not have a thought for 7 seconds that you somehow get teleported to some foreign planet right?

So clearly we are not our thoughts. If this is the case then we can stop BEING not good enough, not smart enough, and not attractive enough. Because, clearly those are thoughts we have and we are not our thoughts. So the next time you have a thought that you are not enough, simply notice that you are having that thought and then go and respond based on WHO YOU ARE and not on what you are thinking in that given moment.

I am not what I feel.

Everything I just said about thoughts holds true for feelings. We’ll be happy one moment and pissed off or scared to death 2 seconds later. What’s up with that? Well, those are just feelings! Yes, feelings are important and they can tell us a lot about what’s going on in our world.

All too often we confuse who we are with how we feel. We feel lonely and we become alone. We feel anxious and we become an anxiety attack. We feel sad and we become depressed. We feel angry and we become enraged. We’re literally turning into our feelings! Not surprising why so many heart attacks and heart illnesses are due to stress and guess what stress is? A feeling! We’re literally feeling our way into the hospital!

The good news is that while you do produce feelings you are the creator of them, not the victim of them. At least you don’t have to be anymore. Here’s how…

The next time you feel something (e.g.; happy, sad, frustrated, scared, anxious, angry, etc.) literally say, “Hello ______” inserting the name of the feeling into the blank. This might sound funny but you want to be able to give yourself just enough separation between WHO YOU ARE and how you feel! You get to have feelings and not become them. True? Of course!

I am not what I do.

We were all convinced at a young age that who we are has everything to do with what we do. That’s why we all wanted to be popular, get into that great school, get that degree, get that job, get that raise, make that money, buy that house, and have those friends. AND, if we didn’t do those things then we felt like crap. We would do our best to avoid people knowing the truth about ourselves for fear that that would find out “who we really are”.

All the while, who we are actually had nothing to do with what we did!! When you were born and for the first couple years of your life you didn’t do anything! Right? I mean you ate, slept and pooped but that was about it! You were still here, right? More than that, you were beautiful, creative, intelligent, important, enough, and whole. Yet you didn’t do anything. So who told you that after being born all these things you had to then go and spend the rest of your life proving yourself? It’s ridiculous!! We’ve gone from human beings to human doings. We’re all so busy and for what? Those few times we’re not busy and we’re so uncomfortable with not doing something that we freak out!

This week I want you to practice these exercises and practice telling yourself the single most important thing:

“I am not what I think, I am not what I feel, and I am not what I do.”

On the podcast I also give appreciation to those of you who have left reviews on iTunes. Unfortunately, many of you have left reviews months ago but I never saw them until just recently. Countries outside of the US show up differently in iTunes but fortunately I found a way to get these reviews so a big shout out to all of you in non-US countries like New Zealand, UK, Italy, Australia, and beyond who have left reviews.

It would help me out so much IF YOU left me a review on iTunes! If you could just take 3 minutes right now by clicking here! That link will take you to iTunes where you can launch the iTunes application and leave a written review. I would be so grateful!!

Let me know your thoughts on this weeks topic as I’d love to hear from you and if we’re not connected on Facebook then please join me in the conversation over there!

Much Love and Big Hugs!!

Want to live the BEST version of YOU!? Take the FREE 5 Day Self Love Challenge and start living the life you want today!

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